Another 'lately' post - because I am unmotivated to REALLY blog!

Feeling: Ready for Thanksgiving, some good eats, time with friends and a break from working so much

Loving: My husband - who keeps me going and gives me reason to tackle each day, even when I am exhausted

Craving: TURKEY!! One of many reasons I love Thanksgiving!

Needing: Sleep! I've been so restless the last week or so. I need to shut off my brain, relax and just sleep!

Thankful for: My husband. My close friends. My mother-in-law. My Janet. Obviously, I am thankful for people ahead of everything else ;)

Reading: Well, I SHOULD be reading my materials for the CPP exam, but I've been too mentally exhausted and unmotivated to really start.

Wanting: A glass of wine, a hot bath and my pajamas

Missing: I try not to think about or dwell on what I may be missing

Wearing: Sweats and fuzzy socks!

Thinking about: Cleaning the house and all of the people we'll see and spend time with over the Thanksgiving holidays

I can't believe it's November... or Thanksgiving... or almost Christmas! Where has this year gone!?

Lately...

The last few weeks have been stressful. Getting the totaled car situated and finding another in a short period of time was very overwhelming. Then, work has been slammed lately and I find myself frazzled more days than not at the office. In comparison to the place I was working previously, I welcome the opportunity to be busy and productive. However, sometimes, I do not know when enough is enough - and I tend to bite off more than I can chew at times, just for the sake of standing out and/or impressing the higher ups. A blessing and a curse, I suppose. But, it's led to some mental exhaustion and I think my body is feeling it too.

This is the second time in a month where I have been experiencing leg pain/cramps/strain/awfulness. A couple weeks ago, it was painful - but bearable. I could walk on it... it just was uncomfortable. Then this past Thursday, I was coming up our stairs and, when I reached the top, I stepped "wrong" and immediately felt pain in my hamstring. On Friday, I went to work - and now that I work downtown and have quite a trek from the parking lot all the way around the building to get to the elevator and up to my floor - it was not fun. By midday, I had to end up leaving work and barely made it to my car. In fact, my leg "cracked" really loudly as I was getting into my car and I thought, "Oh #@@%#.... now I'm really going to be jacked up!" Surprisingly, I think the crack may have helped the hamstring issue - only to be followed up with a severe tight calf muscle that will not subside. It's like having a constant worst-charlie-horse-of-your-life-kinda-feeling.... I am NOT digging it. It's now Sunday and I have been a total grump bucket to my husband who is only trying to help me. I should be napping - but instead - I am sitting here, dreading the week ahead and wondering how I am even going to walk functionally enough to make it into the office tomorrow.

I know I am out of shape. I have known that for a while. But, I need to find a way to get these muscle strains/cramps/pains out of my life. I just started seeing a new doctor and, after talking to her about all the trauma I've experienced in relation to my legs (3 falls in a six month period last year), I think she is, at least, willing to try some treatments to make it better and maybe then, I can finally find the energy/strength to get back in the gym and build some muscle strength again. For now, I just want to shake this limp and be able to walk like a woman again...

Girlfriends...

Friendship is a beautiful thing. Despite how much I enjoy spending time with my husband, sometimes, girl time is a must. I am hitting the road the last weekend of the month to hang out with these ladies in Nashville. I'm excited to have some girl time (even though on the night of this picture, we had just as much fun with my husband there too!) :)

Now that my beautiful friend to the right has moved away, we don't get to hang out or have impromptu dinner or drinks nearly as often as we used to. But - what happens in Nashville (and Vegas next Spring) stays in Nashville (or Vegas!).

Good girlfriends are hard to come by. I plan on keeping these ones - even if I have to drive down I-65 to hunt them down! :)

A "total" mess...

My poor car... My poor "Penny"... She and I were rear-ended on my way to work last Monday. By an uninsured motorist nonetheless. While it may not look like much, the frame was totally jacked and the insurance company totaled the car due to the extensive damages. It has been a long, stressful, tiring week dealing with police, hospitals, insurance companies and trying to stay composed throughout the ordeal.  Thankfully, I was not seriously hurt... only had some muscle strain in the neck and back mostly. It could have worse... it could have been much worse... I try my best to remember that when I start to get overwhelmed by all the hoops I have to jump through to resolve this mess.

I will miss my "Penny". We only got 2 short years of time to ride together. Perhaps someone is trying to tell me something! The other Civic I had years ago was also rear-ended pretty badly (although this one was definitely worse). As a result, I will be taking a turn down Toyota Avenue and see if I can have better luck staying away from careless, uninsured drivers.

Currently...

Loving: An extra day off from work - but why does it have to fly by so fast??

Feeling: A great deal of anxiety. It has been a tough couple of days. Life is just a bit overwhelming at the moment and I lost sight of how to cope momentarily. (My poor husband!)

Craving: Rocky Road... luckily, my husband knows his wife and picked some up the other day!

Needing: Sleep. I haven't had good sleep in days.

Thankful: For my husband... who loves me at my best... and at my worst...

Reading: Almost finished Whitney's book (from my Big Fat Fabulous Life). Looking for another good read - which is absolutely shocking for a non-reader

Wanting: Stressful things to dissipate... a job blessing for my husband... and world peace ;)

Missing: The simpler days - before mortgages, car repairs, bills and responsibilities!

Wearing: Pajamas - since sleep is hopefully in my near future

Thinking: About the stressful work week ahead. I will be cramming to learn a new big responsibility from a girl who is leaving on Fri. Lordy, how will my brain ever retain all of this??

I thought this might be a good way to catch up my very neglected blog. I just don't have the mental capacity or energy to blog most days. But I need to get back to it to keep my sanity. 

Hoping this week will not be as bad as I anticipate! Oh yeah, and Happy 4th of July! 

I love the beach...

Although there have been numerous hiccups during our beach vacation this week, it has been wonderful to spend time away and relax to the sights and sounds of the beach. Despite stressful situations, this atmosphere has such a calming effect on me and, sometimes, I wish I lived closer to escape here more often.

Panama City Beach is beautiful. It was a beautiful week for one of my best friend's wedding. I can show you better than I could tell you...

Happy 4th Anniversary!

Happy 4th anniversary Boobear! It has been a crazy journey - but I can't imagine sharing it with anyone else. You truly "see" me. You understand me like no one else and you help me see the world through different eyes. I love you very much and I love being married to you. Now, if we can make it to the beach more often :) You definitely make it worth living. Can't wait to spend the rest of our days together!

The beach is calling my name!

I am SO excited! My husband and I are finally taking a trip to the beach. We haven't had a vacation in over six years and we never did get to take a honeymoon. But, it is going to happen at the end of May!

My best friend from high school is getting remarried and asked me to stand up for her. It will be a beach wedding in Panama City Beach, FL on 6/4/16, which is only 2 days after our wedding anniversary. Because I'll need to be there for a rehearsal, I decided I did not want to spend our anniversary in the car. So -- I started looking at our options and was able to find a condo for the week. I also have a super boss because, even though I just started my job last month, she is letting me take the week off after Memorial Day for our trip to the sunshine state.

I can hear the ocean waves, I can smell the ocean breeze, I can feel the sand between my toes... and it will all become a reality in about 6 weeks! The countdown is on!

Hectic, but good!

It has been a crazy few weeks as I try to become acclimated in my new job. But, it is SO MUCH BETTER than where I was. I like learning new things and being challenged in my work again. Just last week, I came home mentally exhausted - just because my brain hadn't worked that hard since... September! I know, it's crazy...

The only major downfall is traffic. Ugh. I hate driving downtown and it has definitely been a challenge to suck that part up. I've had so much tension in my shoulders - but I think it's mostly attributed to that darn commute. My husband took our friends' kiddos to the zoo the other day and bought me a stuffed elephant. I named her Jazzy and she is sitting on my console. So far, she has been helping my stress while in the car commuting to work and back each day. I rub her ears and think of my husband and just try to get home to him in one piece and without a massive amount of road rage.

So, all in all... The job change was a good move this time. I finally feel like I am where I am supposed to be... Now, if only I can get some "work at home" benefits to avoid that darn traffic every day! :P

Week 1 is complete!

What a week! It was overwhelming and exhausting... But it was also wonderful and awesome! My first day was the day I expected in my prior nightmare job. A morning orientation, a tour of the facility, lunch with my new boss and a brief introduction to the team and systems I will be using. It was truly a great day. I felt good vibes from everyone I encountered and the work environment was much more aligned with me and how I personally thrive at work.

Over the course of the week, I sat with several members of team to shadow, observe and get a feel for some of the tasks I will be doing at a later date. While I cannot tell you much of what I observed and I definitely cannot perform any of the tasks yet, I received a high level view of the job and I am feeling good about it. This was a good move. This is where I am supposed to be.

As great as the work environment and job seem at this point, commuting downtown has NOT been fun. In the mornings, it takes me about 35 min. The afternoons have been up to an hour. Compare that will 12-15 min back road commutes and it has been a definite change. To bat, I have to park in a lot a block away from our building. Admittedly, I am not in the best shape, so I spent much of the week with sore leg muscles and tired, achy feet. The two things that kept me from applying for jobs downtown for so many years are now the major downsides to my new job. I am still testing out different routes to work, so I hope to find my groove in the commuting world. After all, I drove an hour to work when I lived in Nashville, so I have proven I can do it. I am also hoping that, somehow, my body will adjust to the additional walking and will not be so sore or exhausted after getting into a routine. If I am happy with the job and the people and the company, I cannot allow these two things to jeopardize a good thing. No pain, no gain, right?

Despite the muscle aches and pains, my mental health is definitely improving. Perhaps the medication is doing its job and keeping my anxiety at bay. But I truly believe this job change has played a significant role as well. I am looking forward to week 2 and learning more on my path to being a superstar!

Anxiety on the rise!

Changing jobs is overwhelming!!! There is so much to do... so many things to coordinate... I frankly do not know if I am coming or going at the moment. Don't get me wrong! I am super excited about my new job. I am hoping and praying it turns out better than the one I took a few months ago. God, it HAS to be!

I am anxious. I don't know how I am going to transition without losing my mind. I feel stressed. I feel frazzled. I don't know how I am going to join a new company in a new part of town in a totally new role --- next Monday. Am I ready? Can I do it?

Ughhh... I act like I have never changed jobs before. But this feels different. I have to find some way to cope and get through this week. Maybe if I can get a relaxing weekend under my belt, maybe I can shake off this ADP grit, overcome all of this anxiety and take the big step toward career success.

If not, you will find me hiding in the master closet of our condo with a bottle of rum...

Hello, new job!

Halleluyahhhhh! After a lot of tears, a lot of interviews and a lot of praying, a new job is finally on the horizon. The position I took in October 2015 has been absolutely awful. Everything about it has been terrible... I spent the majority of the first week in the bathroom stall crying, so I knew this was not where I wanted to be. But... finding a new job... the right job... takes time...

I interviewed last week and immediately, I felt comfortable with the manager. To boot, several of my old colleagues work there in a cross-functional department, so it feels like I am going "home" again. I had a good feeling when I left, but I got the official verbal offer yesterday. I am SO excited!! Not only do I get to leave where I currently am, I feel like this new position (and the new company) are a better fit for me. My start date will be 3/7/16, which is soon... but it cannot get here soon enough! The one downside is having to commute farther into downtown instead of being like 10 min away from home... but ultimately, that is a small price to pay for a better salary, a better work environment and a position more aligned with my personal growth and development.

Thank you Lord for making this a reality. I am ready to wash off the depression and anxiety of this current place and start brand new in a couple of weeks!

Lately...

I started a new job in October. It has been AWFUL. It has stripped me of joy at times. It has depleted my energy. It has zapped my confidence. It has removed all drive or motivation to do much of anything, much less blogging. It was definitely NOT the job I expected or wanted it to be and, frankly, I have been trying to get out of there since the week I started.

A boatload of resumes have been sent. Several agonizing phone interviews and a few face-to-face ones... all without any fruits or job offers to help me escape. I even thought, for a moment, that returning to my old company was a possibility. But the powers that be (or the highers up on executive row) pretty much made that impossible. So - it was back to the drawing board.

I received a call from a recruiter a couple weeks ago. I apply at this company ALL THE TIME and this is the 1st time they have ever contacted me. After playing phone tag with the recruiter for almost 2 weeks, I finally have an interview on Thursday. I hate the fact that the office will be downtown, resulting in more traffic and commuting... but I hate where I am bad enough to suck it up, if the job/position/pay/boss are right.

SO, pray for me. Pray it goes well and that this is a good move - for me, my family and my career. My anxiety is through the roof and I need this in the worst way...

Thirty-SIX?? Ughhh!

It's hard to believe I am 36. That is 4 years away from 40. While I feel blessed to see another year, it is painful getting another year older. I look in the mirror and cringe at the site of a gray hair or wrinkle that didn't exist before. I am saddened by sore muscles, achy bones and other signs of aging that continue to pop up and make themselves a presence in my world.

Don't get me wrong. I enjoy birthdays... I like the celebrating and feeling the extra love from my husband and a few other people. I just wish getting older was not part of the deal! This year was pretty low-key, which is what I needed. A nice quiet dinner with my husband and drinks afterwards with a few friends. We'd already been in some crazy crowds the night before seeing Carrie Underwood in concert - but it was totally worth it!

So, now, I am the big 3-6. I hope this year is better than the last - and I hope I learn to cope with this aging process a bit better, if it must continue! Here's to a new year of turning dreams into reality and enjoying the simple things in life with my wonderful husband.

100 Questions No One Ever Asks...

Do you want to answer the 100 questions no one ever asks? 

Here’s the full list:

1. Do you sleep with your closet doors open or closed? Closed
2. Do you take the shampoos and conditioner bottles from hotels? Yes
3. Do you sleep with your sheets tucked in or out? Out
4. Have you stolen a street sign before? No
5. Do you like to use post-it notes? Yes
6. Do you cut out coupons but then never use them? Yes
7. Would you rather be attacked by a big bear or a swarm of bees? Neither
8. Do you have freckles? Yes
9. Do you always smile for pictures? Most of the time
10. What is your biggest pet peeve? People who can't drive
11. Do you ever count your steps when you walk? Not really
12. Have you peed in the woods? No
13. Have you ever pooped in the woods? No
14. Do you ever dance even if there is no music playing? LOL, yes
15. Do you chew your pens and pencils? Um, not since I was 5
16. How many people have you slept with this week? Just one
17. What size is your bed? Queen
18. What is your song of the week? Anything Carrie Underwood :)
19. Is it OK for guys to wear pink? Yes
20. Do you still watch cartoons? Not really
21. What is your least favorite movie? I don't know... probably Star Wars or Harry Potter
22. Where would you bury hidden treasure if you had some? In my secret hiding place. If I tell ya, I'll have to kill ya
23. What do you drink with dinner? Sometimes water, sometimes tea, sometimes wine
24. What do you dip a chicken nugget in? BBQ
25. What is your favorite food? Chicken
26. What movies could you watch over and over again and still love? Too many to name... 
27. Last person you kissed/kissed you? My boo
28. Were you ever a boy/girl scout? Heck no
29. Would you ever strip or pose nude in a magazine? Um, no
30. When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper? I can't even remember
31. Can you change the oil on a car? No
32. Ever gotten a speeding ticket? No - knock on wood! 
33. Ever ran out of gas? No - knock on wood again! 
34. What’s your favorite kind of sandwich? Turkey
35. Best thing to eat for breakfast? My boo's pancakes... or hot Krispy Kremes! 
36. What is your usual bedtime? 10-11
37. Are you lazy? Sometimes
38. When you were a kid, what did you dress up as for Halloween? Alf
39. What is your Chinese astrological sign? Aquarius
40. How many languages can you speak? 2 
41. Do you have any magazine subscriptions? Cosmo keeps me sending me mags - but I can't tell you when I actually last ordered a subscription
42. Which are better: legos or lincoln logs? I don't know and don't care
43. Are you stubborn? Ask my husband :)
44. Who is better: Leno or Letterman? Leno
45. Ever watch soap operas? Yes
46. Are you afraid of heights? Somewhat
47. Do you sing in the car? Yes
48. Do you sing in the shower? Yes
49. Do you dance in the car? Yes
50. Ever used a gun? No
—————————–
51. Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer? My wedding day
52. Do you think musicals are cheesy? Some of them are
53. Is Christmas stressful? No
54. Ever eat a pierogi? No
55. Favorite type of fruit pie? I don't care for pie really
56. Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid? Singer, teacher
57. Do you believe in ghosts? Ghosts, no. Spirits, yes
58. Ever have a Deja-vu feeling? Yes
59. Do you take a vitamin daily? Yes
60. Do you wear slippers? No
61. Do you wear a bath robe? No
62. What do you wear to bed? Shorts or PJs
63. What was your first concert? My dad
64. Walmart, Target, or Kmart? Target
65. Nike or Adidas? Adidas
66. Cheetos or Fritos? Cheetos
67. Peanuts or Sunflower seeds? Peanuts
68. Ever hear of the group Tres Bien? No
69. Ever take dance lessons? Yes
70. Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing? Something brilliant
71. Can you curl your tongue? Not really
72. Ever won a spelling bee? Yes
73. Have you ever cried because you were so happy? Yes
74. Own any record albums? Not anymore
75. Own a record player? No
76. Do you regularly burn incense? No
77. Ever been in love? Yes
78. Who would you like to see in concert? John Legend
79. What was the last concert you saw? Carrie Underwood
80. Hot tea or cold tea? Cold
81. Tea or coffee? Tea
82. Sugar cookies or snickerdoodles? Snickerdoodles
83. Can you swim well? No
84. Can you hold your breath without holding your nose? Yes
85. Are you patient? Sometimes
86. DJ or band at a wedding? DJ
87. Ever won a contest? Yes
88. Have you ever had plastic surgery? Heck no
89. Which are better: black or green olives? Neither
90. Can you knit or crochet? No
91. Best room for a fireplace? Living room
92. Do you want to get married? Yes... good thing since I am already
93. If married, how long have you been married? 3.5 years
94. Who was your high school crush? I can't remember
95. Do you cry and throw a fit until you get your own way? No
96. Do you have kids? No
97. Do you want kids? Yes
98. What is your favorite color? Yellow
99. Do you miss anyone right now? No
100. Who are you going to tag to do this next? No one