Sudden loss triggers thoughts...

After a weekend filled with food, friends and games, we woke up Sunday morning to a text from my mother in law. My husband's uncle passed away suddenly that morning. While he had a scare several months back with a mild heart attack, this was unexpected. Apparently, he passed from double pneumonia. We aren't sure yet if he had been battling with it or if it just overtook him all at once. Either way, the world lost a great man and heaven gained a sweet soul.

Buddy, although quiet, could fill the room with his spirit. He was kind. He was a jokester. And he was the first one to help out his family or friend. My husband said he'd been right there numerous times when his mom needed help. In fact, this past winter, her car battery died and I remember her distinctively saying, "I'm alright. Buddy came over, took me to get a battery and is putting it in now". That's just the kind of person he was... and there will be a big void because he has passed.

I feel for his children. He leaves behind a son and daughter. His son just graduated from college a few months ago. His daughter... well, she just turned 21 last week... on Father's Day... Although Buddy was lucky enough to be here and celebrate many occasions with them, there is still so much he will miss out on. Losing a parent is never easy... but it is even worse when it is sudden and unexpected. So many things left unsaid and no more time to spend with the one you love.

I cannot help but think about his wife. Married over 30 years. Losing him must be like losing her left arm. How in the world will life ever be the same? Once you find your soulmate in this life, it is hard to fathom living a day without them. One day, they're here with you, eating breakfast, grocery shopping, watching a movie with you... and the next day, they're just... gone...

It just terrifies me to think about losing my boo... sudden or expected... because he is my world. With him, my world makes sense. Without him, there is no longer a reason to get up each day or take on the world's battles. I am grateful for each moment we have together, but when things like this happen, it brings my fear of losing him to the forefront. Some days, the fear is almost paralyzing and overwhelms my heart with sadness.

For now, I just have to pray. Pray for my husband's family, especially Buddy's wife and kids. Pray for my husband and me... that our journey will continue and end so tragically or so soon.

Life is short. Hold onto the people you love. You may not get another chance.

A long talk about marriage...

My husband and I had a pretty long talk last night. I am not sure what it started it really. Perhaps it was some of the things we'd each read separately over the past few weeks related to relationships and marriage. It is eyeopening to see what other people think of relationships and, perhaps, even what they perceive ours to be (not that we really care).

The first topic: A Facebook post I read last week that said, "If a couple doesn't fight, they have too many secrets". I immediately thought of us. We rarrrrrely fight. We bicker sometimes, but even that doesn't happen very often. Does that mean we have too many secrets? Then, my brain couldn't transmit the words to my mouth fast enough... HELL NO! My husband and I don't fight because we make a conscious choice not to. Each of us had prior relationships centered on distrust, arguing and drama, so we have no desire to make that the focus of our marriage. Life is too short to bicker and fight all the time. Besides that, we love each other enough to talk things out, even when we don't agree on a particular thing. As my husband says, you can be "right" or you can be happy. It means more to us to be happy together than it does to be right about something trivial. As for secrets, they are harmful to any relationship, especially a marriage. To assume that we have too many simply because we don't fight is... well, ignorant... 

The second topic: My husband was reading a social media site yesterday which offered up the question of whether or not a spouse should be given a second chance if they are caught cheating. My initial instinct was HELL NO! But, if I think about my husband specifically, I don't know that I can definitively say that I would not work through something like that. That would greatly depend on my level of devastation and if I could move past it enough to give him a second chance. Hypothetically speaking, I just cannot say. Because my husband and I have been watching Marriage Boot Camp lately, we began talking about Hank & Kendra from the show. While Hank is accused of cheating while Kendra was pregnant, my husband and I agree that several other things factored into the infidelity and issues in their marriage. Hank doesn't necessarily have a realistic view of himself or his relationship. If he cannot change his perspective and begin to see things through a new lens, there is a high probability that he could cheat again. On the other hand, Kendra does not listen. A wife who does not listen to her husband or even take a personal interest in him is bound to cause issues in the marriage. Although none of this justifies the infidelity, it does show how a breakdown in communication can cause even bigger problems down the road, if not rectified.

The third topic: How can we, as a married couple, protect our relationship and prevent outside forces from jeopardizing what we have? We have witnessed many marriages, even long-term ones, go up in flames after 10, 15, 20 years. Were their relationships just different from ours? Did they not love each other enough to work through their differences? I just think back to my wedding day and the love I felt in my heart. If every bride and groom feels that way, how can it be lost so easily? That's not to say that mismatches and bad marriages don't occur. They totally do... and the couples are better when they eventually end the marriage... But generally speaking, if a couple's biggest problem is communication, quality time or splitting household or kid duties, they should be able to work through those things and keep the relationship strong. Just sayin'! 

Finally, today on Facebook, I read the following post: 

Don't compare your marriage or your spouse with someone else’s. Every marriage and every spouse is uniquely created by God to be different. Give your marriage and your spouse the freedom to be all that God intended them to be. 

I guess that is the answer. We should not compare our marriages to others just as they should not compare theirs to ours. While some couples may need to battle it out for supremacy, we choose a more peaceful, loving approach most of the time. While some couples may feel the need to be right, we just want to be happy. Our marriage is unique and different. It is ours. We make our own rules and, after eight years together and three of it married, we must be doing something right :) 

To jump or not to jump... that is the question!

On Thursday, I received a verbal job offer. On Friday, I received the official written offer. But as excited as I was after my interview the previous week, the offer did not quite meet the initial hype. The tidbit that made me put on the brakes was the fact that the company does not cover for spouses under their insurance plans. While this may not be a factor for most, for me, it was close to a dealbreaker. After a more depth look at the benefit packet, I discovered the company offers a wide range of benefits, even including pet insurance... so it absolutely baffles me why they do not offer some type of coverage for spouses. I mean, not every single family has the luxury of both people working full time. What's more, COBRA benefits or resorting to Obamacare government benefits are just not appealing to me. I have a job right now where I can get health benefits for both of us, so why would I jump ship to a place where I can get great benefits for me but not my husband?

After a few days of stewing on the offer, some other issues/red flags have emerged. The company totally low-balled me on salary, despite having twice the number of years experience required for the job AND a Master's degree. While the base salary is about $10,000 more each year that what I currently make, what am I losing or sacrificing for those extra monies? I am waiting for clarification on several items, but the offer had no mention of PTO or 401(k) match. Also, it appears I would be paying for disability benefits myself whereas, now, my current employer covers that for me. As much as I thought this position was going to be the right one for me, more and more, I am feeling that it is totally not.

They want me to start on July 6th. They're already burning up my email box requesting that I complete onboarding tasks and such. To me, this is overzealous on their part considering I have not accepted the offer.

I want a new job. I want to grow in my career. And I want to make more money. These are not huge developments. But I have to remember that I DO have a job that pays the bills and I do not have to make a move until I am certain the job is right for me. It would be foolish to jump into this job when my gut is telling me to stay put and wait on something better. I'm not sure how long it will be, but I know that God will bless me. Perhaps, it is my husband's turn to shine and enjoy a blessing. Mine can come later if it means awesome things for him. In the end, it is about taking care of our family and making a better life for us. Any job that does not understand or provide those things is not the right one for me.

Husbands say the funniest things!

I totally copied this quiz from another blogger, but I thought it'd be fun to pick my husband's brain. 1. Because I never know what is going to come out of his mouth. And #2, most of the stuff he says is friggin HILARIOUS (at least to me!)

Q: What is something your wife always says to you? 

A: I love you a lot, That's right! (That's right!)

Q: What makes your wife happy? 

A: When her hubby is being silly (My boo is SO silly!!)

Q: What makes your wife sad? 

A: Thinking about her dad or grandma (And my mother and her crazy, dysfunctional a$$)

Q: How does your wife make you laugh? 

A: Acting silly or like she's a G (I am a G... I thought you knew!)

Q: What was your wife like as a child? 

A: Smart, cute as a button, and an adult... due to her environment (Awww...)

Q: How old is your wife? 

A: 35 (I feel older some days)

Q: How tall is your wife? 

A: She says that she is 5'4 but I believe that she is 5'2 (I am 5'4, damn it!)

Q: What is her favorite thing to do? 

A: Spend time with her boo (True... so true...)

Q: What does your wife do when you're not around? 

A: Watch murder mysteries (You should be scared... I might be plotting! LOL! J/K)

Q: If your wife becomes famous, what will it be for? 

A: Being a singer (I doubt it, but I appreciate the vote of confidence)

Q: What is your wife really good at? 

A: Being in charge (she's bossy) (I'm really not that bossy, boo)

Q: What is your wife not very good at? 

A: Most sports (She is getting better in bowling) (I have coordination issues... I can't help it... I was born this way!)

Q: What does your wife do for a job? 

A: She is Olivia Fucking Pope at an engineering firm (Payroll administrator) (Umm, Sr. boo... don't forget that part that no one else notices or cares about anyways. Pshh!)

Q: What is your wife's favorite food?

A: Chicken bites (Be specific. My boo's famous, wonderful, delicious chicken bites! Yummmmm!)

Q: What makes you proud of your wife? 

A: Being who she is (Baby you're a star) (Awww...)

Q: If your wife were a character, who would she be? 

A: Lucy from Charlie Brown (Hmmm... why Lucy? Is she the bossy one??)

Q: What do you and your wife do together? 

A: Almost everything (I wouldn't have it any other way)

Q: How are you and your wife the same? 

A: We are both fucking brilliant (LMAO... and we both drop f-bombs!)

Q: How are you and your wife different? 

A: She is more sensitive than me (You are a work in progress on this...)

Q: How do you know your wife loves you? 

A: She married me (And you're stuck with me... forever and ever and ever)

Q: What does your wife like most about you? 

A: Everything except my bullyness & grumpiness (It's really because you're sexy!)

Q: Where is your wife's favorite place to go? 

A: The beach (This... or just home to my boo... that's really my favorite place)

That's right... Walk away!

Bye Felisha! An old classmate posted this pic today and, well, it's kinda how I am feeling today. I am fed up with my job. I physically feel like crap. But guess what? Things are going to get better. I am going to claim it!

I decided (after seeing this gangsta baby striking a pose) that I am not going to let the devil get in my way of my joy or stop me from going after the things I want. #1, a new job! And already today, I received 2 different calls about job opportunities. Hot dawg! Maybe there is something to this "claimin' it" :) Even though neither job is in HR, which is where I was hoping to move to, they are promotions and a considerable salary raise from where I am.

So - something good is gonna happen. Devil, move over, step aside and eat my dust!

3 years toward forever...

Happy Anniversary Boo! 

I can hardly believe it's been three years. Some days, it feels like just yesterday that we were surrounded by our family and friends, promising to love one another forever and ever. Other days, it feels like longer than three years. Maybe it's because we already felt married long before it was ever legal.

Regardless, you are mine and I am yours. I cannot imagine my world without your smile to brighten my days or your hugs to comfort my sensitive spirit. I am so thankful... blessed... that you were created just for me. I could not fathom loving or trusting a person this much, but you changed that. You changed me - and I am better because of it.

Cheers to three years - and many more to come!

Poltergeist movie night!

Last Friday, we hung out with some coworker friends for Poltergeist movie night! We decided it'd be fun to watch the original and then follow that up with a late-night showing of the new remake. After a long work week, I was SO ready for some fun!

We met at our friend's house around 6. We ate pizza, drank beer (and Fireball shots!) and then started the movie around 7. I have to say seeing the original Poltergeist as an adult is so much different than as a child. When I was little, that movie SCARED THE CRAP out of me!

As an adult, it wasn't nearly as scary as I remembered. In fact, I found myself noticing how indifferent and unfrazzled the parents seemed to be. If some of those things were happening in my house, I would've moved LONG before they did. The one bright spot was the short paranormal lady. I crossed my fingers that she might make an appearance in the new remake - but I was disappointed on that one.

The remake was actually good. Better than I expected. Some of the parts were actually a bit more creepy and scary in the newer version. Especially, if you hate clowns. Even this movie poster looks frightening!