I. AM. TIRED.
Honestly, I feel like I haven't slept in days! I'm not sure why. We had a pretty quiet Friday night, a busy wine-filled Saturday and then a homework-filled Sunday. I'm not sure if I am more sleepy tired or just body exhaustion tired. Either way, it's really getting me down today. It took every bit of strength I could muster to get myself outta bed this morning, get dressed and head to the office.
I am totally wishing I would've called in and taken a sick day. I'm not one to "play hooky" or use a sick day unnecessarily. But even though I don't feel sick, how can a person truly be productive at this level of exhaustion!?
What is WRONG with me!? I've been emotional, ravenous hungry and totally wiped out for the past couple of weeks. At first, I thought my body was just readjusting after all of the moving madness. Then, I was sick and thought my body just needed to catch up on rest after being under the weather. Then, I thought I might be preggo (and the hubs still jokes that I might be) --- but I had a cycle a couple weeks back. Is that even possible??
On top of it being Monday, today is my super lonnnnng day. I have work -- and then I have class for 4 hours. Not just class -- Corporate Finance! Lord, somebody punch me now! Counting down for the next 5 weeks of this stupid class --- and also, after that, I will be online and won't have to sit in a classroom every Monday night. Shooo, I'm ready! I just need to get there. I think I can, I think I can!
I need a nap now. Wonder if I can sneak one at lunch or maybe before class??
I was super excited (and hella nervous!) about having our first real dinner party. For years, I've wanted to be the hostess who invites people over, feeds them with good eats and makes them want to come back. However, living in a cracker box that was already tight with 2 people was not a place to make this happen.
Our new home is open, roomy and is perfect for entertaining. I couldn't wait to start inviting friends over (hence, the recent burst of dinners this week). What made this particular dinner so nerve-wracking was my decision to try a totally new menu! What was I thinking!? (What I was thinking is that it was going to be delicious!) :P
Here was the menu:
Orange-Cranberry Chicken (This came to be, thanks to the McAllisters Orange-Cranberry club. I was eating it for lunch last week and thought, "hey, this would be a good idea for chicken!") I know... I'm not right...
Mixed Veggies
Roasted Parmesan Potato Wedges (Totally new, but I wanted a different kinda potato!)
Banana Pudding w/Oreo Crumble Caramel Drizzle
Wine
The chicken cooked in the crockpot all afternoon, so it was super tender. I just had to make the sauce for it when I got home. The potatoes were really easy, though they probably could've taken on a lil more parmesan flavor. The hit was the banana pudding. We intended to do an Oreo crumble for the top, but my husband got the idea of doing a caramel drizzle instead. It was AMAZE-balls! So good, in fact, that we are making more for our dinner tonight!
All in all, it was a great night. We have a delicious meal, good friends, fun games and lots of laughter. I hope this is just the first of many dinner parties we will have!
THE SUNDAY CURRENTLY
- READING: A few blogs I follow. Facebook catching up with all the weekend happenings!
- WRITING: A blog or two. And an email to a friend who lives in Tampa. Just trying to stay better connected with the peeps.
- LISTENING: Selection Sunday on TV. I love March Madness! Oh, and my husband snoring as he naps on the sofa :P
- THINKING: I REALLY don't want tomorrow to be Monday. Dreading work and dreading class even more. Mondays are no bueno.
- SMELLING: Italian chicken in the oven. It's making my belly hungry!!
- WISHING: It was not sleeting/icing/snowing outside. Yesterday, it was almost 70 degrees and today, we have this crap.
- HOPING: The next couple of days fly by. We've having friends over for dinner on Wed and Thurs and Sat is winery day! I'm ready to mingle!
- WEARING: My 'Diva' PJ pants which are the most comfy things ever! Oh, and of course, fuzzy socks! :P
- LOVING: Our new condo. We just hung up pictures yesterday and it's feeling so "homey" to me now.
- WANTING: Fro-yo. Yes, I know it's cold out and snowing - but I got a craving for frozen yogurt. Don't judge!
- NEEDING: The sun to come out.
And for Spring to come (and STAY!)
- FEELING: Blessed. Enough said.
A- Age: 34
B- Birthday: February 6th
C- Color: Yellow
D- Drink: Wine
E- Eyes: Hazel
F- Flashback: Singing my heart out to Olivia Newton-John records
G- Guilty Pleasure: TV shows about murder
H- Home: We moved into our condo a month ago and we love it! It's really nice having a home to call our own...
I- Indulgence: Pedicures & cupcakes (what a combination!)
J- Job: It pays the bills, but it isn't what I wanna do forever
K- Kiddos: My hope and prayer is to get pregnant soon so I can make my husband a "daddy"
L- Love: Makes me happy... Truly makes life worth living
M- Music: I'm currently listening to John Legend's new album. A-Mazing!
N- Next milestone: Finish grad school
O- Overstock: Body wash, thanks to my husband ;)
P- Pasttimes: Baking, Blogging, Singing
Q- Quote: More like a verse for me, Romans 8:28
R- Residence: The 502!
S- Siblings: None - it might have been nice to have some though
T- Temperature: 70's with sun and a light breeze = perfection
U- University: I'm an alum of Indiana Wesleyan - but I cheer for UK in sports
V- Vehicle: Oh, how I want (and need) a new one!
W- Want: A long life with my husband
X- X: X-tremely thankful for all of my blessings
Y- Yuck: Vasoline. Don't ask!
Z- Zodiac: Aquarius
Family. What does it really mean?
Webster's dictionary defines family as "a group of people who are related to each other". The Urban dictionary defines family as "a bunch of people who hate each other and eat dinner together". Neither of these are complete. And neither gives any insight as to how families should interact with one another. So how do we know what the standard is or what our family relationships should be?
As I get older, I grow more disgusted with the whole notion of family. It's dysfunctional. It's fake. It's more clique-ish than a group of high school girls. People don't mean what they say or say what they mean...
Examples? You want examples? Well, how much time do you have!?
1. Father - Bounced in and out of my life. Looking back, he had some good reasons for staying away, thanks to my mother. There were many attempts to have a father/daughter relationship, but he never seemed to follow-through. He'd come around for a while, leave for a few years and then pop up again one day. When he passed, I hadn't seen or spoken to my dad in 5 years. I'd always hoped we would be able to find a way to have a relationship someday - but that chance is gone forever.
2. Father's Family (Grandmother, Aunt, Uncles, Cousins) - Because of the nature of my relationship with my dad, my relationships with his family also suffered. Since his passing, though, they've had every opportunity to reach out, love, and try to establish a connection. They failed at every turn, leaving me out of family gatherings and suggesting we get together without ever putting in effort to make it happen. Just a few weeks ago, my dad's sister got married. I caught wind of it via Facebook and reached out to congratulate her. She sent back a "thank you" reply with nothing else. Then the night before her wedding, she sends me a note that said, "I'm getting married tomorrow at 2:00 at xyz church, if you want to come..." It's not as if she really wanted me to come or even thought I would with a last minute invite. I suppose that was to help her sleep at night... What a way to treat your brother's daughter.
3. Mother - She raised me. At one time, she was my mom and my best friend, as twisted (and co-dependent) as our relationship was. But without rhyme or reason, she turned her back on me. It's been over 2 years since I've heard anything from her and almost 5 since I last saw her. In some ways, I feel like she is trying to replicate what my father did, though I have no clue why. Looking back on all the ways I took care of her and stood by her, it's a hard pill to swallow that she's chosen not to be in my life anymore. Some days I'm angry, some days I'm sad and some days, I just miss having a mom.
4. Mother's Family (Grandmother, Aunts, Uncles, Cousins) - My mom and her mother had a very up and down relationship. There were times when we'd visit her regularly and other times when my mom wanted nothing to do with her. I never had any established relationships with any of the aunts/uncles/cousins because, well, they were not close. It was a big joke that the family only saw each other when someone got married or when someone died. Yeah, funny joke... sad reality... The last time I saw any of them was at my grandmother's funeral.
5. Husband's Family - My mother in law is there for us, but I can't say the same for the rest of the family. My husband's father, aunts, uncles, cousins, etc. have always made the excuse that they don't know how to communicate with him. While that may have passed before, it doesn't now. They can reach out to us through me, but they choose not to. Just this weekend, they had a birthday lunch for my husband's grandfather and we knew nothing of it until after the fact. Another cousin who doesn't go to church with the family and rarely comes around got an invite and was there --- but we got nothing. When we see the family, they are up in our face, huggy huggy and wanting to know what's going on in our lives --- but if we don't just show up on our own, we never hear from them. Well, unless they need help moving some furniture or some BS like that.
With all of that, it's surprising I can have any type of healthy, functional relationship. Luckily, I have a wonderful husband and I have a group of great friends that are more family than my relatives will ever be. So, that definition of family being "a group of people who are related to each other"...? I think it needs some serious revision!
Here's what I think family is:
I was driving home from work the other day and it just hit me. Like a ton of bricks. In the face. I just started to cry... not from sadness or frustration or anything I could really articulate. I was moved in a very emotional way by the simple lyric of a song.
It's funny to sit and write about it now, trying to find the right words to describe what I felt. There have been very few moments in my life when I have been that overwhelmed by emotion. So, I pulled over into a subdivision, sat there quietly, and allowed the tears to flow as the song finished to the end. It was a beautiful testiment - of adoration, affection and sheer love felt for another person.
Here is the chorus:
'Cause all of me
Loves all of you
Love your curves and all your edges
All your perfect imperfections
Give your all to me
I'll give my all to you
You're my end and my beginning
Even when I lose I'm winning
'Cause I give you all of me
And you give me all of you, oh
As I listened to the lyric, I thought of my husband and all of the many ways he makes my life better. Although I always hoped to find this kind of love, I don't think I ever truly believed I'd find it. For a lot of years, I didn't feel like I deserved it. I searched time and again, settled for men who were not at all marriage (or even relationship material) and slowly damaged my heart, almost to the point of no return. Through it all, I continued to pray... And one day... He appeared...
He is not perfect, by any means. But he is perfect for me. When I feel like giving up or throwing in the towel, he encourages me to hang in there. He loves me - through good, bad and in between. He fills my heart with joy. He challenges me. He makes me better. He makes my world whole.
And so, after the song was over and my tears were wiped away, I smiled and thanked God once again for blessing me with an amazing man to call my husband.
