First dance
Wednesday, July 31, 2013
Tuesday, July 30, 2013
Not sure how to feel...
Ever have one of those moments when you aren't quite sure what to think or feel about the situation? This one doesn't even really involve me, but it made me a bit sick to my stomach all the same.
My widowed step-mother is engaged. We aren't in contact, but because my cousin "liked" the photo of her ring on Facebook, I was able to see it. I read the caption, "My baby proposed down on the beach at sunset..." and I couldn't help but feel anger inside. Her BABY!? What about my daddy?! What about the times you called HIM 'Baby' and all that mushy gushy stuff I witnessed when I lived with you!? Those times were long over by the time my daddy shot and killed himself and this woman did not even show any sorrow or sadness. Even in the years after his death, there's never been a post on my dad's birthday or the anniversary of his passing saying that she missed him. There's no evidence she even visits his gravesite since she didn't even care to get a stone put there. It's like she was glad... relieved... so she could go on and keep living with the next husband.
I know we each have a right to pursue happiness. Even if a spouse dies, typically the one left behind will pick up the pieces and try to move on with life. I get that. But I don't think the widow should blatantly slap her former husband in the face or act like he never f'in existed. My dad had his share of issues and maybe being married to him wasn't always easy, but he deserved to be loved... he deserved to be grieved over... he deserved to be remembered... I guess that is my beef with her. It isn't that she is in a relationship, engaged or planning a future with someone else. I just feel she did not give proper respect to my daddy for the 15+ years they shared together before he left this earth.
I guess I just need to pull up my big girl panties and realize that I am being a bit harsh when I haven't been in Pam's shoes. I just miss my daddy. I wish he was still here. Her engagement pretty much signifies that she is beyond all of that. It's hard for me to fathom how she can't miss him as much or wish that he was still here too. If, God forbid, Rodney ever leaves this earth without me, I am not sure how long it would take for me to recover. I may never be able to. Because he is my world and I love him so very much. I cannot imagine waking up without his smile or being able to talk to him about anything under the sun. He is irreplaceable. I suppose that says something about the depth and capacity of my love... If only my daddy had found a woman with the same kind of heart...
My widowed step-mother is engaged. We aren't in contact, but because my cousin "liked" the photo of her ring on Facebook, I was able to see it. I read the caption, "My baby proposed down on the beach at sunset..." and I couldn't help but feel anger inside. Her BABY!? What about my daddy?! What about the times you called HIM 'Baby' and all that mushy gushy stuff I witnessed when I lived with you!? Those times were long over by the time my daddy shot and killed himself and this woman did not even show any sorrow or sadness. Even in the years after his death, there's never been a post on my dad's birthday or the anniversary of his passing saying that she missed him. There's no evidence she even visits his gravesite since she didn't even care to get a stone put there. It's like she was glad... relieved... so she could go on and keep living with the next husband.
I know we each have a right to pursue happiness. Even if a spouse dies, typically the one left behind will pick up the pieces and try to move on with life. I get that. But I don't think the widow should blatantly slap her former husband in the face or act like he never f'in existed. My dad had his share of issues and maybe being married to him wasn't always easy, but he deserved to be loved... he deserved to be grieved over... he deserved to be remembered... I guess that is my beef with her. It isn't that she is in a relationship, engaged or planning a future with someone else. I just feel she did not give proper respect to my daddy for the 15+ years they shared together before he left this earth.
I guess I just need to pull up my big girl panties and realize that I am being a bit harsh when I haven't been in Pam's shoes. I just miss my daddy. I wish he was still here. Her engagement pretty much signifies that she is beyond all of that. It's hard for me to fathom how she can't miss him as much or wish that he was still here too. If, God forbid, Rodney ever leaves this earth without me, I am not sure how long it would take for me to recover. I may never be able to. Because he is my world and I love him so very much. I cannot imagine waking up without his smile or being able to talk to him about anything under the sun. He is irreplaceable. I suppose that says something about the depth and capacity of my love... If only my daddy had found a woman with the same kind of heart...
Friday, July 26, 2013
ABC easy as 123...
My Wedding ABCs
A - Attendance: We invited right at 100. I would say we ended up with 80 guests total.
B - Bridesmaids: For budgetary reasons and in an effort to keep things as simple as possible, we decided to have only a Best Man and a Maid of Honor. So, Christine was on her own – but she did an amazing job...
C - Catering: I have known my friend, Laura and her mom, Vana since I was 17. Vana runs a catering business on the side, but she offered to do my reception for minimal costs as a gift to me. What a gift it was! She outdid herself catering reception and I can’t imagine my wedding day without her.
D - Dress: Simple, but elegant. Looking back, I maybe wish I would have gone with a more sparkly dress, but I had to work with what worked with my body.
E - Engagement: We got engaged Dec. 2010 and married June 2012. So we were engaged for right at 18 months. Sounds like a really long time, but it flew by!
F - Flowers: I knew flowers were costly so I opted to keep them at a minimum. And we had artificial, mostly for the keepsake value. If I could have budgeted for real flowers though, I think it would paired well with our outdoor ceremony.
G - "Getting Ready": I sipped on mimosas as I was getting my hair and makeup done for the day. I was holding up fine and keeping the nerves at bay... at least until my MOH mentioned it was almost time to go to the venue and get dressed. All at once, in the midst of satin hands, I was overwhelmed with emotion, which lasted until I finally saw my groom during our "First Look".
H - Honeymoon: We did not have one. We’d hoped to receive enough money as wedding gifts to be able to take at least a small weekend trip, but that did not happen.
I - Invitations: I paid a bit more than I wanted to, but our invitations were lovely. They were chocolate brown with gold/champagne font and swirls. I thought they looked very classy.
J - Justice of the Peace: Our preacher and his wife officiated the ceremony.
K - Keepsakes: We tossed around the idea of making CDs of the special songs from our wedding day to use as a guest favor. I guess we figured we’d end up with more of the CDs than people would take so it never really panned out.
L – Ladies Night: We had co-ed night instead. With all of the stress of planning and such, I really just wanted to enjoy a night out with my husband and our closest friends. It was perfect.
M - Music: My friend Laura (earlier mentioned) worked the outside equipment so we could have music for the ceremony. And then our reception DJ, who is a friend of mine, did an awesome job mixing sweet R&B love songs with old school jams to get the crowd moving!
N - Newlyweds: I love being newlyweds, although I can’t say it feels much different than pre-married life. I do love being able to call him my husband though…
O - Old, New, Borrowed, Blue: My dress was new, as were the hoop earrings my husband bought for me. My good friend, Janet, who was playing MOB loaned me a hanky which served as old, borrowed and blue.
P - Photography: My classmate was just starting her photography business when we met. After getting to know her and seeing some of her work, I asked if she would do our engagement and wedding photos. She was much less expensive than other wedding photographers and overall, she did a great job.
Q - Question Popping: Christmas Eve, the last present, simple proposal.
R - Reception: Our reception was inside a community center hall. It was affordable but still turned out simple and classy the way I envisioned. The food was great, the cake was sweet, all the dancing hurt my feet, but it was such a blessing to be surrounded with so much love.
S - Shoes: White sparkly flip flops.
T - Trash the Dress: No thank you.
U - Unique: We did a lot of unique things. Our ceremony flow. God’s Knot. Our vows. Our guest book calendar. It was definitely “us”.
V - Vows: We wrote our own vows together. There was a small portion custom to other person and then the ending section that was exactly the same.
W - Wedding Woes: We had wedding crashers. A family of 3 and a lady and her son. All were “friends of the family” but they were not invited and neither of us knew they were coming. Not to mention, they were the most annoying of anyone there.
X - X-Rated: I’m not sharing that stuff!
Y - Young Kids: No flower girl or ring bearer. Come to think of it, there weren’t even that many kids at our wedding. Less disruptions that way.
Z - Zzzzz: It was an exhausting day. We hardly slept that night. But after going to breakfast the next morning @ 7am, we went home and crashed for a super long nap!
A - Attendance: We invited right at 100. I would say we ended up with 80 guests total.
B - Bridesmaids: For budgetary reasons and in an effort to keep things as simple as possible, we decided to have only a Best Man and a Maid of Honor. So, Christine was on her own – but she did an amazing job...
C - Catering: I have known my friend, Laura and her mom, Vana since I was 17. Vana runs a catering business on the side, but she offered to do my reception for minimal costs as a gift to me. What a gift it was! She outdid herself catering reception and I can’t imagine my wedding day without her.
D - Dress: Simple, but elegant. Looking back, I maybe wish I would have gone with a more sparkly dress, but I had to work with what worked with my body.
E - Engagement: We got engaged Dec. 2010 and married June 2012. So we were engaged for right at 18 months. Sounds like a really long time, but it flew by!
F - Flowers: I knew flowers were costly so I opted to keep them at a minimum. And we had artificial, mostly for the keepsake value. If I could have budgeted for real flowers though, I think it would paired well with our outdoor ceremony.
G - "Getting Ready": I sipped on mimosas as I was getting my hair and makeup done for the day. I was holding up fine and keeping the nerves at bay... at least until my MOH mentioned it was almost time to go to the venue and get dressed. All at once, in the midst of satin hands, I was overwhelmed with emotion, which lasted until I finally saw my groom during our "First Look".
H - Honeymoon: We did not have one. We’d hoped to receive enough money as wedding gifts to be able to take at least a small weekend trip, but that did not happen.
I - Invitations: I paid a bit more than I wanted to, but our invitations were lovely. They were chocolate brown with gold/champagne font and swirls. I thought they looked very classy.
J - Justice of the Peace: Our preacher and his wife officiated the ceremony.
K - Keepsakes: We tossed around the idea of making CDs of the special songs from our wedding day to use as a guest favor. I guess we figured we’d end up with more of the CDs than people would take so it never really panned out.
L – Ladies Night: We had co-ed night instead. With all of the stress of planning and such, I really just wanted to enjoy a night out with my husband and our closest friends. It was perfect.
M - Music: My friend Laura (earlier mentioned) worked the outside equipment so we could have music for the ceremony. And then our reception DJ, who is a friend of mine, did an awesome job mixing sweet R&B love songs with old school jams to get the crowd moving!
N - Newlyweds: I love being newlyweds, although I can’t say it feels much different than pre-married life. I do love being able to call him my husband though…
O - Old, New, Borrowed, Blue: My dress was new, as were the hoop earrings my husband bought for me. My good friend, Janet, who was playing MOB loaned me a hanky which served as old, borrowed and blue.
P - Photography: My classmate was just starting her photography business when we met. After getting to know her and seeing some of her work, I asked if she would do our engagement and wedding photos. She was much less expensive than other wedding photographers and overall, she did a great job.
Q - Question Popping: Christmas Eve, the last present, simple proposal.
R - Reception: Our reception was inside a community center hall. It was affordable but still turned out simple and classy the way I envisioned. The food was great, the cake was sweet, all the dancing hurt my feet, but it was such a blessing to be surrounded with so much love.
S - Shoes: White sparkly flip flops.
T - Trash the Dress: No thank you.
U - Unique: We did a lot of unique things. Our ceremony flow. God’s Knot. Our vows. Our guest book calendar. It was definitely “us”.
V - Vows: We wrote our own vows together. There was a small portion custom to other person and then the ending section that was exactly the same.
W - Wedding Woes: We had wedding crashers. A family of 3 and a lady and her son. All were “friends of the family” but they were not invited and neither of us knew they were coming. Not to mention, they were the most annoying of anyone there.
X - X-Rated: I’m not sharing that stuff!
Y - Young Kids: No flower girl or ring bearer. Come to think of it, there weren’t even that many kids at our wedding. Less disruptions that way.
Z - Zzzzz: It was an exhausting day. We hardly slept that night. But after going to breakfast the next morning @ 7am, we went home and crashed for a super long nap!
Thursday, July 25, 2013
After all of the chaos lately...
I thought it might be overdue for one of these...
I am thankful for... the paycheck I received today. Even though money is tight and it's a struggle to make ends meet, without it, we would be in serious trouble.
I am thankful for... good friends, like my 'Beanblossom'. Even though we have our own sets of challenges these days, it's nice to have someone to vent to or just forget about the crap and be silly with too. Not sure how I'd be making it through the workdays lately without her.
I am thankful for... this bag of Skittles I found in my desk drawer. Sometimes it's the smallest things that can brighten a person's day.
I am thankful for... my car and a working A/C finally. Even though my car and I have a love/hate relationship sometimes, I need her to stick with me and not fall apart anymore. And after 3 years of the A/C not functioning properly, it is finally fixed!
I am thankful for... my husband. He is my moonbeam. I can't imagine my days without his smile. He has been so supportive and he takes care of me in so many ways. My heart hurts to see him so frustrated these days, but something's gonna change. It has to. It has to get better for him, and for us.
Finally, I am thankful for... God's promise. He never said things would be easy. He just said He would be us always, no matter what we face. He also said that if we ask, we shall receive and that even if we do not receive blessings in our time, we will be blessed in His perfect timing.
I am thankful for... the paycheck I received today. Even though money is tight and it's a struggle to make ends meet, without it, we would be in serious trouble.
I am thankful for... good friends, like my 'Beanblossom'. Even though we have our own sets of challenges these days, it's nice to have someone to vent to or just forget about the crap and be silly with too. Not sure how I'd be making it through the workdays lately without her.
I am thankful for... this bag of Skittles I found in my desk drawer. Sometimes it's the smallest things that can brighten a person's day.
I am thankful for... my car and a working A/C finally. Even though my car and I have a love/hate relationship sometimes, I need her to stick with me and not fall apart anymore. And after 3 years of the A/C not functioning properly, it is finally fixed!
I am thankful for... my husband. He is my moonbeam. I can't imagine my days without his smile. He has been so supportive and he takes care of me in so many ways. My heart hurts to see him so frustrated these days, but something's gonna change. It has to. It has to get better for him, and for us.
Finally, I am thankful for... God's promise. He never said things would be easy. He just said He would be us always, no matter what we face. He also said that if we ask, we shall receive and that even if we do not receive blessings in our time, we will be blessed in His perfect timing.
Wednesday, July 24, 2013
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