My blog is a lil behind. I've neglected writing about the happenings of 7/12 because I had to have time to process it all and well, it just tore me apart. A couple months ago I had some major dealing with my boss, which is when I decided our "friendship" was over. From then on, it's been mostly strictly business and that's been ok. It seemed as if things were dying down and she had been more satisfied with my work performance. It was fine for me to come in, do what had to be done, put in my 8-5 and call it a day... if that's how it had to be to make this place bearable to work in, that's what I'd do. THAT was, until 7/12.
After a pretty quiet Friday morning and a nice impromptu lunch date with my hubby, I was in a decent mood and feeling like the afternoon was gonna be alright. I stopped by my boss's office to checkin and she instructed me to shut the door. The day before, we'd had a 2 hour team meeting. Long, I know. She accused me of nodding off. Again. In this meeting. Not possible. I know I had shock written all over my face as I said "That's not possible. I was engaged the entire time. What? Seriously?" She went onto say that "she wasn't the only one who noticed" and she needed to "hold me to the same standards as everyone else"... Wait, what just happened!? I was awake the entire meeting. The one time I started to lose focus or get a little bored, I started playing with items on the desk to occupy myself. My friend even walked through the hall 3 different times and I made faces at her through the cracked door. How was this happening again!? The worst was coming because then the boss laid out the final written warning, which said, if this had to be addressed again, I would lose my job and they would replace me. I sat there. Beside myself. After some tears of frustration and some effort to dispute her accusation, I insisted that she document what I said and that I did not agree with the writeup at all. At that point, she suggested, as she did the other time she accused me, that I see a doctor. I saw a doctor the last time and nothing was found. But to do things her way and make it seem as if I was complying to her wishes, I agreed to schedule a doctor's appt.
She was on vacation last week. Thankfully. The Lord saved me from getting an assault charge or saying something to get myself fired. I would not have been able to deal with her or that. Heck, I saw her for 5 min on Friday and it caused a full 2 hour panic. This woman has now fabricated 2 instances of me nodding/sleeping on the job. If she has fabricated it those 2 times, she certainly is capable of creating a 3rd instance to push me right out of the door. What I don't understand is why. My guess is that she is trying to justify her Staff Accountant hire. No one really knew why we fired a Staff Accountant just to hire another one and being that she has the personality of a wet sock, people may be questioning what exactly she does. I could've cared less -- until they threatened my job and the livelihood of my family. I am not in a position to be able to lose my paychecks. It doesn't sit well with me that she is holding my a$$ to the fire, backing me into a corner and making me feel as if I am on a chopping block waiting for an ax to fall. And I suppose it burns my biscuit a little more to think that, at one point, I thought she was my friend and cared about my wellbeing beyond a boss. The person I see now is not someone I like at all and perhaps this is who she truly is. Maybe the first few months was a facade, and if it was, she sure can act. She had several people fooled, including me.
So, needless to say, I'd love to be able to tell my boss and this job to go to hell. But what's more important is finding an outlet and making a move before the ax falls and the rug is ripped out from under me. Just the drive to the office or the thought of work now sends my heart into palpitations and my mind into a full blown panic. My dr appt is this afternoon and I'm tempted to ask for something to calm my anxiety even though I am supposed to be asking her about sleep disorders, etc. to please my boss. <eye roll>
This is so unfair. This is so absurd. I just don't even want to deal with this anymore.
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