Sick and tired...

Talk about a roller coaster kinda morning...

In the span of about 30 minutes, a friend shared sad news with me that her sister who had just recently announced her 2nd pregnancy may have suffered a miscarriage. Several people close to me have gone through miscarriages and difficulty conceiving, so it always hurts my heart to hear of another woman having to endure such physical and emotional pain. (Late edit: Bleeding turned out to be false alarm. No miscarriage. Sonagram confirmed baby is ok and on schedule for a March arrival. Whew!)

A short time later, there were FB posts announcing a pee-test confirmed pregnancy for two good friends of mine who just married on June 7th. We teased them about having a honeymoon baby, but it may prove true after all.

Perfect shower gift??

Don't get me wrong, I adore Jason and Elizabeth and wish them all the best always. But a small part of me, tucked deep within my heart, I feel a bit jealous. I feel awful even typing that. But my husband and I married a whole year before they did and they're already pregnant and moving toward starting a family. I know it's not a race and things happen when they are supposed to... But when is it going to be our time?

 

When I take my emotions out of the equation, it all makes sense. Both of them have steady jobs, she is almost finished with her degree, they already have a house and 2 dependable vehicles... They're on track for starting a family. If I compare that to where we are right now, we aren't ready. Perhaps God's timing is perfect... And if that's the case, I need Him to help me... help us to move these mountains and obstacles that are holding us back and keeping us from truly moving forward and enjoying our life together.

My mind is tired. My body is worn down. I should've had the doctor write me a "Get out of work" note for today. She offered, especially when I almost passed out while getting my blood drawn. I don't know what's wrong with me. I just feel like going home, crawling up in a ball under a bunch of blankets and hide until things get better.