Anxiety is building...

After years of thinking about it and waffling on whether I should, I set up an appointment with a medium. Like many, I am a bit skeptical about how much they actually "know" and how much they draw out of you. There are fakes and phonies, that's for sure... But I do believe there are mediums who... have a gift...

I researched a few prior to our weekend trip to Nashville. But I couldn't get an appointment with one there. So, I looked into some in/around Louisville. Although I found a few, this guy in particular had an interesting back story and tons of positive reviews on his website and Facebook page. SO - here I go. Tomorrow. I'm nervous. Anxious. Feeling uneasy and unprepared.

I asked what to expect - but there is no such thing as a "typical" reading. He answered my questions as best he could, but honestly, I guess I won't know what it's like until I am there. Thank goodness my husband has decided to come with me... I'm not sure if I would be able to go through this without him...

To tell you the truth, I am terrified. What if I don't get the answers I am looking for? What if this doesn't bring the closure I hope it will? What if my dad's spirit just doesn't come through at all? For so long, I've felt he was with me - through signs, songs, smells... what if I was just imagining it all and wrong the whole time? (Yes, this is me second-guessing myself).

Breathe. Just breathe. 1 more day until we see if this medium is legit.

Impromptu road trip!

My hubby and I were talking last week, just shooting the breeze when he said, "hey, why don't we take a roadtrip this weekend!?" Ummm, ok! Twist my arm!

Next was deciding where to go. We only had the weekend, so it would need to be some place close. In the end, we decided on Nashville...

Long ago, a road trip to Nashville was carefree, exciting and easy going. While this trip was those things to some degree, there was an underlying, almost dread, once we got there. For us, Nashville is filled with bittersweet memories. While at one time, it was the symbol of a fresh start of us, it turned out to be a heartbreaking time filled with struggles and hopelessness. As I drove down I-65 listening to my husband snore in the passenger seat, more and more of these memories were flooding into my brain. Several times over the course of the weekend, we talked about "what ifs" and pondered how our life could be drastically different with one change in decision, one small turn on the path...

We did enjoy our time away though. We visited a few wineries and hit one of our most favorite dinner places from when we lived in Murfreesboro. It was amazing... still... I really wish Demos would come to Louisville! :( We also stopped to visit a girl I worked with when I lived there. I used to call her friend... now I can just call her "a girl I worked with". It was surface, non-meaningful BS. Basically, a waste of 2 hours. It's sad to realize that someone you thought cared about you only did so when you were in their face all of the time. Now I was merely an acquaintance and made to feel as such. After what we did before my wedding, I guess I shouldn't be surprised. If someone backs out as your maid of honor via email 5 months before the wedding - then RSVPs "no" and doesn't come to the wedding at all - those are not the actions of a true friend.

Anyways - it was nice to get away. It took us four years to travel back to Nashville - and quite honestly - it might be that long before we go back. Our experience living there holds more negatives than positives and well, visiting there only rehashes a time we would prefer not to relive. So, Nashvegas, maybe we'll see ya, maybe we won't (unless you bring back the Chicken Shack -- and then we'll be back in a hurry!!)

 

 

Blogmopolitan Quiz

Finish the sentence...

When I open the fridge, I always hope I find... a cold beverage! Perhaps some fresh sweet tea or Crystal Light Kool-Aid! (especially the orange flavor!)

My favorite article of clothing is... pajama pants! I swear I can't wait to get home to put them on every day :P

Last week I was really pissed when... I found out our new cell phone company charged us a double bill without telling us... And that our warranty company refused to reimburse any of the out of pocket expenses on our A/C repair.

One thing nobody understands about me is... My sensitivity. My poor husband tries to understand it, but sometimes, my emotions are all over the place - particularly as it relates to grieving my dad and battling frustration over my mom.

One thing I don't understand is... how people could leave their small children or pets in a hot a$$ car!? Like, are you really that forgetful, totally oblivious or have no inkling of care/concern for anybody but your damn self!? #rantover

 

The world would be a better place if... gas was under $3.00? Eh, it would help, but no. Maybe some extra paid vacation days? That'd be nice too. Maybe if people just stayed in their lane and stopped judging what other people are doing. Yeah... that's my answer ;)

If I had a million dollars I'd... buy a nice house and a vacation condo on the beach.

 

If I could change one thing about myself, it would be... the fact that I let little things get to me and let them affect my whole day. I need to stop letting dumb sh$t steal my joy.

Something that can always make me happy is... puppies! (And ice cream!) :P

Something I'll never blog about is... the murder I committed last week! LOL! Ooops! Cat's outta the bag now! :P

If I could go anywhere I would go (because)... I would love to go Hawaii. It's so darn expensive though! Some day... maybe for our 25th wedding anniversary or something. Geeez, how old will I be then!? :P

If I were an animal, I would be a... a spoiled dog... one that gets treats and gets to take car rides and naps. Yeah, that's livin!

A job I've always wanted... When I was a little girl, I wanted to be a teacher. A part of me still thinks that would be a nice job - although I'm not sure I could handle the crap that today's teachers have to deal with.

My idea of a perfect day is... one that I can spend with my husband... watching movies under a blanket at home or having a lil' date night out. If there is ice cream involved, even better! :)

Friday letters

dear cold/flu/sinus infection: I am totally over you right now. You have made my week so very exhausting and I just want to feel better! Please go away soon so I can enjoy this nice 3-day 4th of July weekend... 

 

dear "penny": Please don't break down on me anymore. Ever since your little episode in the middle of the expressway last week, I've been so paranoid to drive you anywhere, even to work. I keep looking over the steering wheel, squinting and flinching as if at any moment, the check engine light is going to come on and you are going to die again. Please don't die... I bought you for a reason... because I needed a reliable, dependable car. Imagine that!

dear grad school: Thank you for giving me a week off from the madness. My brain is so fried after the double course craziness and I just need a chance to get my bearings. Plus it'll be nice to enjoy a weekend minus homework. I'd almost forgotten what that was like!

 

dear bathtub: I miss you. With it being so hot in our condo, it's been way too long since my last soak... Hopefully soon... my tired, achy body needs it in the worst way!

dear hvac and the numerous contractors who've attempted to tackle you: Where did you come from? Are you from Mars? Why did it take seven (yes, SEVEN) contractors before someone had a clue how to even take you apart and try t diagnose why we have no air!? It's been a big mess --- I'm just praying the latest contractor and his crew can finally get you cooling today. I'm so tired of being hot... and not being able to do "normal" things in my own home because of it being hot...

 

dear wine: Where are you? I need you! Too bad you only make me hotter when I drink you... Otherwise, I may have drank my wine rack away over the last few weeks.

dear warranties (home & auto): You are a flippin joke. Truly. It's so awesome to have a home warranty send multiple HVAC guys out who don't have a clue how to fix my A/C. Fantastic! What's even better is that the companies I've talked to who DO have a clue don't work with you --- because you don't pay them. Out of 4 separate repairs we've needed since we bought the condo, you have covered ONE. As a frustrated homeowner, you SUCK a$. It's also awesome to have an auto warranty that doesn't 'technically' cover the issue with my car - even though the temp tags were still on it. Oh - and said warranty was ZERO help when I was sitting on the side of the expressway last week. As a fed-up car owner, you SUCK a$ too.

 

dear husband: You are the only bright spot in my crazy world right now. Thank you for keeping cool about all of the madness going on around us and for doing your best to keep me sane as well. Who knew I'd be the hothead and you'd be the calm one?! :P I love you and appreciate all you do.

 

dear life: Please get better soon.