Me - From A-Z

A – Age: 37
B – Biggest Fear: Not being good enough
C – Current Time: 3:43pm
D – Drink You Had Last: Water
E – Easiest Person To Talk To: My husband most days… But if I need a girlfriend sounding board, I have plenty of awesome ladies who are easy to talk to as well
F – Favorite Song: That darn song from Fifty Shades Darker… “I don’t wanna live forever… Cuz I don’t wanna be living in pain… I don’t wanna feel forever… I just wanna keep calling your name… Til you come back home…” I just conveniently BLOCK out that Taylor Swift is singing…
G – Greatest Memory: My wedding day
H – Hometown: Louisville, KY
I – In Love With: My hubby
J – Jealous Of: People who have adoring, supportive parents. People who get to do what they love/are passionate about and get paid for it.
K – Kindest Person You Know: Janet. I don’t think I’ve ever heard her say a mean-spirited thing about anyone…
L – Longest Relationship: This year marks 10 years
M – Middle Name: Is dead and gone. Just like the old me. (Get that T.I. & Justin Timberlake reference?)
N – Number of Siblings: 0
O – One Wish: Just one? For my husband to find a job to make him feel whole, accomplished and successful.
P – Person You Spoke To On The Phone Last: Dr. office
Q – Question You’re Always Asked: Do you have any kids?
R – Reason To Smile: It’s warm, the windows are open and I am at home (and not at the office today)
S – Song You Last Sang: Waterfalls
T – Time You Woke Up: Around 4am. I couldn’t sleep for anything last night…
U – Underwear Color: Black
V – Vacation Destination: A beach. Palm trees. Alcoholic beverage. Enough said.
W – Worst Habit: Not putting my clean laundry away. It was always bad – but it’s definitely worse than ever
X – X-Rays You’ve Had: Too many to name
Y – Your Favorite Food: Pizza? Yeah, let’s go with that.
Z – Zodiac Sign: Aquarius

37 is looming...

Tomorrow is my birthday and, as the years fly by, I become less excited about turning another year older every year. I mean, ten years ago, I would've said 37 was OLD. Now, I am knocking on its door and, well, I am just not ready to get old.

Body aches are becoming more frequent. I started having to dye my hair more regularly to keep the grey hairs at bay. Dark circles around the eyes, constant exhaustion and too much adulthood have turned this girl into an old lady, it seems. Wrinkles... well, I know they are coming... and I dread it. My husband is sweet and tells me all the time that I haven't aged in the 10 years we've been together, but I see it. I feel it. I hate it.

I don't know where I thought I'd be at 37. I'm blessed to have a wonderful husband. I am blessed to have a job that provides for us. But I thought I'd have a different job, I think. I certainly thought I'd be a mother by now. Sometimes God has other plans than the ones we make for ourselves. I just wish He would let me in on His plan. I am sure I am not alone in that wish...

I guess I will have some wine, try to enjoy the rest of 36 and pray that 37 isn't as bad as I think it will be. Hey, maybe 37 is the new 27? Think I can get away with that?

Feeling Unsure...

So, I have not been the most consistent blogger in the last year. Although I was hoping to change that for 2017, so far, I am not creating a good track record.

As the new year rang in, I felt compelled to start applying for jobs in Nashville again. I am not sure why. Maybe I felt it was time for a change. Maybe I felt the need to take a leap of faith for the sake of my career again. Maybe I felt like my husband needed a fresh new place to secure a job. Perhaps it was all of these things. So far, it's been all rejections --- but I am hopeful. Well, if that is God's plan for us. I'm not even sure I know what that is anymore.

Can you tell I am just feeling unsure? Not to be "punny", but it's like we are at a crossroads. One wrong move could mean setbacks or just staying the same as they have been. One blessed move could mean new beginnings, open doors and promising futures. It's a lot of pressure, worry, stress, anxiety and just uncertainty. I need guidance and I am in search of something. Let's hope I find it soon before I lose my marbles...