A thankful heart...

Earlier this week, I got a bit of a scare. The special lady who has been filling the role of "mom" since mine disappeared found a lump on her breast - the same one she had breast cancer in about 8 years ago. By a miracle, it turned out to only be a cyst. Thanksgiving came early for her and her family - and for me. I don't know what I would've done without her over the years, so I am grateful that this was just a false alarm.

Then there is my husband. Every day... every single day... I look at my husband and I am thankful. I can't imagine where I would be or what my life would look like without him. He is my everything. No matter what happens in my day or what frustrations come up at work or what issues I may have with my mother, I have a husband who loves me unconditionally. In his arms, I can crawl inside, hold on tight and forget about the rest of the world. What a blessing it is to be married and live my life with this wonderful man.

So - this is me. A thankful heart. Looking forward to good food, friends/family and some much needed relaxation time with my husband over this long holiday weekend.

I still can't get through...

If you've ever tried to talk to, reason with, explain yourself or just get through to someone who has a brick for a brain or the stubbornness of a mule, you know exactly what I am feeling. I simply cannot get through to my mother. No matter what I say or how I say it, she refuses to see things from my point of view, admit she's done anything wrong or accept any kind of responsibility for our broken relationship. No, that would be the adult thing to do - and even though she is 58 years old, she is far from acting like an adult.

I don't know what to do. I've wrestled with her last email response for about a week. I can't find anymore words, phrases, illustrations or explanations to get through to her. I'm growing tired of it all really. Even the simplest thing - the fact that I am a grown woman with my own ideas and opinions, far from the girl she used to know - she can't comprehend. Even the smallest inkling of a boundary - like expecting her to earn back my trust before she's privy to personal details of my life - she can't accept or understand. How is even possible to mend this broken mess if she cannot respect me as a woman or the boundaries necessary to rebuild a healthier relationship??

The more I try with my mother, the more I miss my daddy. I don't know why. Maybe I am just craving the love, support and acceptance from a parent. But it feels like I never left square one. I'm fighting the urge to just walk away from the whole thing. My efforts feel like a waste. It's bringing more frustration into my world than peace. No matter what I do, I still can't get through to her...