To My Husband...

To My Dear Husband,

Let me start off this letter saying ‘Thank you’. I try to say this as often as I can, but it never feels like it’s enough to show you my appreciation. You are the epitome of what a husband should be. You are a strong protector, a solid rock when I need it most and beyond all else, you love me --- in spite of my flaws, in spite of my insecurities, in spite of the imperfections that should make you run for the door. Not once have I ever thought or given into the idea that you are a failure or you have somehow let me down as a husband, simply because you are struggling to find work. I use the word struggle because you are far different than the men who want to sit home, allow their wife to work, never lift a finger to contribute and could care less if the bills are paid, his wife is happy or the future is unstable. You apply for jobs --- constantly… And you have been so good about maintaining the home, ensuring dinner is made on most nights, running errands and taking care of me. Our finances get sticky at times, but that happens to everybody. The important thing is that we don’t allow the situation to change who we are or how we treat one another. I am so thankful for you – for who you are, for the man you are striving to be and for everything you do to make our lives better.

I know the news from the doctor hit you hard. It did me too. Sure, I thought about my own mortality. But I also thought about you. The last thing I would ever want to do is leave this world without you. Just as much as you can’t see an existence without me, I feel the exact same way about you. I simply cannot fathom seeing a day without seeing your smile or laughing at your goofiness or holding your hand… Shoot, even the things you do that drive me crazy… I can’t imagine my world without them… without you... You are my moonbeam. You are my everything. Life, for me, just doesn’t make sense if you are not a part of it.

I am grateful for every single day and every single moment we have together. Waiting 27 years for you was hard at times, but you have made it all worth the while. God does answer prayers. You are evidence of that. If He answered that prayer, I know, in my heart, that He will answer the prayers that we pray together as well --- for jobs, for our finances, for children… God will make a way where there seems to be no way.

I love you and I have your back – today, tomorrow and always. With every day that passes, I am more aware and more appreciative of who you are, what you mean to me and all the ways you bless my life. Thank you for choosing me. Thank you for loving me. I am honored to be your wife and I love you more than I could ever put into words.

I love you to the moon and back!

With my heart and soul,
Babyluv

Less than 5 years to live...

Today, I am thankful. Someone was definitely watching over me. It's crazy to think about your own mortality, but this week, I was given a rude awakening of just how close I came to leaving this earth. With that, I am more grateful than ever to be able to wake up to my handsome husband, have conversations with my dear friends and simply enjoy God's creations all around me.

I had a follow-up appointment this week with the sleep doctor. This is the first time I've seen him since the study and the staggering results that followed. I feel a million times better since I started treatment, but I guess I never realized the full scope of what my condition meant. At the rate I was going and with the severity of my sleep apnea, the doctor told me that my life expectancy was the same as a lung cancer patient - less than 5 years... I sat in my chair for a minute, silent and thinking about what that meant. Less than 5 years to live? I can guess that I've had this condition for at least 2 years already... so that meant I may not have lived to see 35 years old? 40, for sure, was out of the question. That is super scary. My husband could've been a widow. The doctor went onto say that, according to my stats, it was only a matter of time before my body literally began to shut down. In all honesty, I think it already was... Even today, after almost a month of treatment, I still get winded and worn out really easily. The doctor said that would continue to happen as my body catches up on all of the rest & oxygen it missed out on for all that time. Some days I may be able to get by on 7 hours of sleep, but some days, I may need 9-10... that is ok because it's my body recovering from the battle it almost lost.

I think about the full impact of sleep apnea and how lucky I am to be sitting here blogging right now. I was literally dead-girl-walking. And it wasn't even really attributed to being heavy or overweight. That is something I still want to work on because I want to get healthier for energy, pregnancy and just to have a longer life with my husband. Pregnancy... man, can you imagine if I'd gotten pregnant before I got treatment? Not only would I have been depriving my own body of oxygen, but our unborn child as well. That could've meant birth defects, miscarriages, etc. Also another scary thing to think about. I am still not crazy about how it all came to be... Getting backed into a corner or having my job & livelihood threatened was not the best way to discover I needed treatment. But I am thankful that God was watching over me and He sent me to treatment before it was too late.

Life is precious. Life is fragile. And it is also short... sometimes shorter than we expect. Tomorrow isn't promised. I am more aware of that today than I have ever been. I definitely want to hold my husband a little tighter and tell the special people in my life how much they mean to me. I am blessed in so many ways and I never want to take that for granted.

Wordless Wednesday

 

Which One??

Which One??
 

Vacationing in Orlando or vacationing in NYC
I think NYC would be WAY too crowded and WAY too hectic for me. I am gonna say Orlando. A little Florida sunshine always does a sister good! 

 

 iPhone or Droid
I have a Droid now and it BITES. Maybe I should pick iPhone.

 

NSYNC or Backstreet Boys

N’Sync. Hands down. We don’t want no stinking Backstreet Boys! ;)

 

 

Being forced to delete Facebook or forced to delete Twitter
 I don’t Tweet. However, I don’t know what I’d do without my Facebook!

 

Fireball or Miller Light
Miller Light is gross. I’m not sure what Fireball is. Can I just have a Liquid Cocaine or a glass of wine?? :)

 

Full House or Family Matters
Duh. That’s easy. Full House. I can only take so much Steve Urkel... But I could look at Uncle Jesse all day ;)

 

Dumbledore or Gandolf
Say who? Say what?

 

Dying Easter Eggs or Carving Pumpkins
I’m not big on Easter eggs so I’m gonna go with the pumpkin. Most times I have painted the pumpkin in lieu of carving it --- but only because I’m a clutch (aka not good with knives)

 

NFL or NCAAF

NCAAF. Too many egos in NFL to suit me (although I do love my Steelers)

A hangover forever or sobriety forever
 Ew. Hangovers are awful. Going to have to get on the sobriety train here. I can’t bear the thought of being hung over forever. Shoo! 

 

January or July
 January (only because it’s the month my husband was born…)

 

Hannah Montana or Miley Cyrus
My first thought is neither. They are both ‘technically’ Miley Cyrus. But at least Hannah Montana didn’t lick sledgehammers or swing half naked on wrecking balls. The only thing worse than Miley Cyrus is Taylor Swift... but at least she doesn't act like a ho! Guess that means HM wins it.

What the HELL happened to her!??!?

 

Shark Week or Fashion Week
 Shark Week terrifies the bajeezus out of me.
Fashion Week makes me feel like the chunkiest, ugliest piece of crap in the world. Can I say neither?  

 

 Fresh Prince of Bel-Air or Saved by the Bell
 NO competition here. Fresh Prince, for sure. I’m a sucker for the Carlton dance! ;)
 

Britney or Christina
I’ve always liked Christina’s voice and music better. Plus Britney married Kevin Federline and started dressing like trailer trash. Wait they're both trashy...
Based on the voice only, I’m gonna go with Christina.

 

Wait --- they have the same exact pose... Birds of a feather flock together... 

 

 Burrito or Burrito Bowl
I like it NAKED! Burrito bowl it is! 

 

Reading blogs on your phone or reading blogs on your computer
My computer. If I had access to blogs on my phone, I would never accomplish anything.

 

Angelina or Jennifer

Jennifer Aniston is gorgeous and probably someone I could be friends with (no pun intended). Brad Pitt is clearly the only person in the world
that would choose Angelina in this scenario.
Friggin Idiot.

 

Doug Funny or the Rugrats

I’ve never seen either. 
 

An open mouth chewer or a heavy breather
 I want to kill open mouth chewers. What are you a cow!? Have some friggin manners! Geeez. Heavy breathing doesn’t bother me so much – so I’m going to pick that one.

 

Another Wordless Wednesday!