Not sure how to feel...

Ever have one of those moments when you aren't quite sure what to think or feel about the situation? This one doesn't even really involve me, but it made me a bit sick to my stomach all the same.

My widowed step-mother is engaged. We aren't in contact, but because my cousin "liked" the photo of her ring on Facebook, I was able to see it. I read the caption, "My baby proposed down on the beach at sunset..." and I couldn't help but feel anger inside. Her BABY!? What about my daddy?! What about the times you called HIM 'Baby' and all that mushy gushy stuff I witnessed when I lived with you!? Those times were long over by the time my daddy shot and killed himself and this woman did not even show any sorrow or sadness. Even in the years after his death, there's never been a post on my dad's birthday or the anniversary of his passing saying that she missed him. There's no evidence she even visits his gravesite since she didn't even care to get a stone put there. It's like she was glad... relieved... so she could go on and keep living with the next husband.

I know we each have a right to pursue happiness. Even if a spouse dies, typically the one left behind will pick up the pieces and try to move on with life. I get that. But I don't think the widow should blatantly slap her former husband in the face or act like he never f'in existed. My dad had his share of issues and maybe being married to him wasn't always easy, but he deserved to be loved... he deserved to be grieved over... he deserved to be remembered... I guess that is my beef with her. It isn't that she is in a relationship, engaged or planning a future with someone else. I just feel she did not give proper respect to my daddy for the 15+ years they shared together before he left this earth.

I guess I just need to pull up my big girl panties and realize that I am being a bit harsh when I haven't been in Pam's shoes. I just miss my daddy. I wish he was still here. Her engagement pretty much signifies that she is beyond all of that. It's hard for me to fathom how she can't miss him as much or wish that he was still here too. If, God forbid, Rodney ever leaves this earth without me, I am not sure how long it would take for me to recover. I may never be able to. Because he is my world and I love him so very much. I cannot imagine waking up without his smile or being able to talk to him about anything under the sun. He is irreplaceable. I suppose that says something about the depth and capacity of my love... If only my daddy had found a woman with the same kind of heart...