Truly. Fed. Up.

Ever had one of these?

What about one of these?

I may not have endured an actual slap to the face or sucker punch to my stomach, but I definitely took a beating today. I feel betrayed and misunderstood and well, I just don't know how I am going to continue to interact with this person on a daily basis. I feel stupid for allowing myself to get close enough to my boss that I actually believed we were friends. I thought she would look out for me. I thought she had my back. I actually thought she "got me". She came in, took her time to encourage and mentor me, and she won me over enough to trust her with my friendship. I expected there would be times when she'd need to be a boss and not my friend -- but never did I expect her to flip the switch or abandon our friendship altogether.

She called an impromptu meeting with me this afternoon under the pretense of discussing my career path/goals. What it turned into was a talk to me about things I am not doing correctly or ways I am not meeting her expectations, complete with goals on how I need to fix each item. Two pages worth of BS. It left space for my comments and my signature on the back to be revisited within the next 60 days. So--basically, this was a performance action plan. Crystal doesn't do "performance action plans". Those are for people who don't do their job. Those are for people who skate by doing the bare minimum and need to shape up or get shipped out. Those are for people who have no work ethic, no drive, no passion, no desire, no pride at all in what they do. Really!?!?!?!?!

Oh, how I wish this worked. How I wish I could erase what happened today and all of these negative things I am feeling. If that discussion was supposed to motivate me, it had the opposite effect. I wanted to walk out. Straight up. Right then. If she can't appreciate how much I have busted my ass, then I shouldn't be there. That certainly means I shouldn't go to work with pneumonia to help get through a restructuring, or take work home on the weekends to ensure payroll system implementation goes off without a hitch, or do anything but the bare friggin minimum to earn my paycheck on the 10th & 25th. Lord knows, this means I am totally getting screwed on my bonus next month too. 

It's official. I need a new job. With the quickness. This place is sucking all of the fun, energy and joy from my life. When I first starting working there, you'd hear laughter in the hallway and people chatted in my work area about life, work, whatever. Now there's nothing. Silence. Morale is dying and I refuse to go down with it. Pray for me and cross your fingers that a good opportunity comes my way soon. I'm not sure how much more I can take.

I'm nearing the end of my rope. Lord, give me strength...