Wordless Wed - Christmas Edition!

Dysfunctional... and then some...

I'm so thankful for this space because this is something I can't say on Facebook or really to anyone except my husband. My dad passed in Nov. 2006. For a few months after, his family stayed in touch and included me on family gatherings (like Thanksgiving & Christmas). It was nice, but a bit awkward at times. With having such an off-on relationship with my dad (and his family, by default), it was hard to establish a close bond because of a lack of foundation. At the time of my dad's passing, I hadn't seen any of his family for about 12 years. I appreciated the fact that his family took me in after he passed -- but as time went on, their contact became less and less, then almost non-existent.

A few years later, I got engaged. With my dad not being here and my mom being out of my life, I asked my uncle (my dad's younger brother) to walk me down the aisle at my wedding. Initially he said yes, only later to back-out with some BS excuse. My aunt and cousin did attend the wedding - which surprised me, but made me happy nonetheless. Still - I don't hear from any of them. I reach out periodically and suggest getting together for dinner or just to spend some time together, but it never comes to fruition. I just don't get it.

Last year, I got a text from my uncle on Thanksgiving. Then I got a voicemail from my aunt on Christmas. Today, my uncle sent me a text wishing me a Merry Christmas (which spawned this blog). I'm just - frustrated. Why even bother to text or leave voicemails on a holiday if they're not willing to really invest in spending time with me or truly having a family-type relationship!? I was hopeful that after my aunt & cousin came to my wedding, perhaps things would change. Maybe they would welcome me back in and invite me & my husband to holiday dinners. I even sent a message to my cousin a couple weeks ago to ask if there was going to be a family gathering for Christmas. She said 'not that she knew of'. Not sure if I'm just out of the loop or if she just didn't want to say. A few years ago - even before I got married - my dad's other brother made a big stink when I was invited for Christmas dinner. I was instructed to basically come alone (because he doesn't like the fact that my husband is black). I told them pretty frankly that if my husband was not welcome, I would not be attending either. The other uncle and aunt do not share this mentality, but I wonder if my racist uncle is somehow indirectly 'controlling' whether or not I am invited to the holidays. OR, it could just be that I'm not considered family. I don't really know.

It just hurts. I know my husband's family is now my family too, but it really gets to me sometimes that I have none. My mother chooses not to contact me (don't even get me started on that!). My father's family sends a 'Merry Christmas' when they feel like it. It's more than I got when my dad was alive - but I guess I hoped someday, that would change. I always secretly hoped that one day, my dad and I would have a close relationship and I would eventually be a part of their family. He just left the world before that ever had a chance to happen.

I realize that I am not the only one with a dysfunctional family - but geez... Sometimes I just wonder what I did to deserve this! It's tough this time of year particularly. I am thankful for great friends. I am SO blessed with a wonderful husband. It just saddens me that I have no family of my own - my husband shared his family with me, but what did I have to share with him?

I just pray God will remove this hurt, frustration and bitterness from my heart. It really shouldn't be my burden to carry... If other people choose not to have me in their life or don't want to put forth the effort to have a meaningful relationship with me, that is THEIR loss, right?!

Where is... the paperwork...?

What a long week it has been!! Besides the fact that work has been absolutely NUTS, it's been a torturous waiting game on this condo offer. 

On Tuesday, we received a call from our realtor saying our offer had been accepted. I also talked to our mortgage guy, which was kind of scary. The original monthly figure was... terrifying!

After jiving some numbers (of course I would do this!), it wasn't so bad as I originally thought. It was just the initial shock of hearing that kind of number and thinking about finances. But once we squared that away, I was excited. Matt said we should be receiving addendums (paperwork) to sign and that he'd need me to sign and scan back to him as soon as possible.

So - Wednesday, I waited. I checked my email like every 30 minutes. Nothing. I finally called Matt that night to make sure there wasn't a problem. He said all was fine and he hoped to have the paperwork to me Thursday.

So - Thursday, I waited. Still nothing. I got a text saying he was still waiting on the paperwork. Friday, I waited. And you guessed it! Nothing. 

This waiting is exhausting. I am not the most patient person anyways, so I am not dealing well with this waiting game. I just pray that the paperwork comes in soon and that all of this madness will be worth it when we finally get into our new home...

Offer on the table!

On Sunday, we signed some paperwork to put an offer down on the condo we found the day before. The bad news was: There was another offer on the table. That meant negotiating a lower price was pretty much not possible. We had to be aggressive and we had to go in close to or at the asking price in order to get the place we wanted. So, we signed, crossed our fingers, prayed and waited.

Monday, there was nothing. Just silence. It was torture. I hardly slept. I just wanted to know. Did they accept our offer? Or did we have to start at square one again?

Who knew!?

Who knew that looking for a new home could be so stressful!? 

After some apartment hunting, it became abundantly clear that if we wanted more space in a nice area, it was going to cost us. So much that it would serve us better to pay an actual MORTGAGE. As scary as it was to consider purchasing our first home, we looked at some options and decided it just might be the smartest 'leap of faith' at this point in our lives. We are sick of living in a run-down apartment with ghetto neighbors and it doesn't make sense to continue throwing money into rent without seeing any fruits of our labor.

So - we jumped. I talked to a friend who was putting his condo on the market soon, so we took a look at it. Ultimately, we decided it was not the right fit for us. BUT, the blessing is that it reconnected me with an old mutual friend who happens to be a realtor. Although we decided not to pursue the friend's condo, Matt (the realtor) said he would be happy to work with us and help to find the right place for us. 

Rodney and I searched online for condos we thought we could afford and made some selections. We emailed 3 of them to Matt to set up showings. The next day, ALL 3 of them went off the market (1 sold, 1 got an offer & 1 seller removed to make repairs). Wow. Talk about disappointing, particularly for 1 which was a stand-alone and looked like a friggin house. It was quaint and the neighborhood was adorable... there was a little pond when you pulled into the subdivision and even a playground right across the street from the condo. It just had 'home' written all over it.

So - in the matter of a day, we were back at the drawing board. We sent Matt 3 more properties, one in the same subdivision that we loved before. Again, disappointments. The other standout set up a showing for us, only to cancel the very next day because an offer was on the table. Such a letdown! Another one sold as well, which only left us with 1 potential showing -- out of 6 condos we selected. We added a late addition to the list, which left us with 2 showings on Saturday.

The 1st was a foreclosure. We could see from the online photos that it needed a little work, a little 'tlc' if you will. But, nothing could have prepared us for what we would see upon arrival. There were stains ALL OVER the place. And not just muddy shoe prints... like I am convinced the prior owners were running a meth lab or something up in there. They also had splotches of paint over random walls, the microwave ventilation had been destroyed and it was just a hot mess. The realtor, even before we saw it, said he had been through foreclosures before and would not be surprised if we walked in and wanted to walk right back out. That is literally how it went down. I heard my husband in the next room say 'Oh Hell No!!' and I knew it was a wrap! 

Then came the 2nd showing. Unbeknownst to us, it was also a foreclosure. But it was nowhere near what the other one was. This one was well taken care of. The flooring was new, the paint was new, the cabinets were new. It had a fireplace, lots of space (including my husband's favorite, the walk-in closet) and lots of storage. It needs a fridge, but that was no big deal. Although we were trying to get away from being on the 2nd floor, we liked this place enough to throw that caution to the wind. As we were leaving, we decided that this was the right fit for us and told Matt we wanted to put an offer on it.

Wordless Wed!