First dance
Wednesday, October 9, 2013
Monday, October 7, 2013
Why, oh why!?
Yes, I would like to work in HR instead of Finance. Yes, I would like to make more money. Yes, I would like to have a more flexible schedule. These are the answers to the question replaying over and over in my head... "Why, oh why did I decide to go back to school!?"
This is only the second week after starting back and already, I have zero desire to go. I didn't feel like this when I started the Associates or Bachelors programs, so why the heck am I like this now!? Maybe it's because the biggest reason I chose to go back really had nothing to do with the above list. It was student loans. The grace period had worn off. They were coming due and I couldn't fathom having to find the money to pay that on top of everything else. It's funny because some of my previous classmates were talking about continuing with school for that very reason and I rolled my eyes. I judged them. And now, I have gone and essentially done the same thing. I'm not proud of it. I know the additional school and the extra degree will be beneficial to me career-wise. But, if I already feel this way about school in the 2nd week, how the heck am I going to make it through 2 YEARS??
A few months back, when I started an online program with a different school, I recall being frustrated with their program, the adminitrators and the school itself -- but I was balancing schoolwork and doing well on my assignments. There was no way I could've stayed in that program - but it really had nothing to do with being back in school.
Perhaps, that is my issue. Being back in an actual classroom. Sitting in a class each week for 4 hours. Missing my husband. Having absolutely no time for anything on Mondays because I work all day and then go straight to school until 10pm. I never thought I was cut out for online classes, but maybe this time around, that is what I need. Spending 4 hours in a classroom (only 1/2 of that time being actually productive) feels like a waste of time. I remember feeling this before - but there were times when instructors would let us out early, etc. In a graduate program, I know the chance of that is slim to none. I just crave the comfort of doing assignments and having class 'discussions' in my pajamas at home.
The hinderance, at this point, of changing boils down to one class: Accounting. I dread this class... I took Accounting online to finish my Associates degree and then I took it in-class to earn my Bachelors. Accounting is hard either way -- but in-class was definitely better. At least there was an instructor who would go over examples, provide tips if we were having difficulty and there was an opportunity to take notes to help with homework. I looked at my schedule and Accounting is the 4th class I will take, starting on 3/7/14. That's exactly 5 months away. The question is - Can I get through the next 3 classes and then Accounting in hopes I can then change to online classes?
I don't know what to do. I know my husband will be there to support and help me through, whatever I end up doing. I just can't see myself spending every Monday night for the next 2 years sitting in a classroom. Maybe I should've thought of that before I signed up to go back to school --- or maybe, just maybe, switching to an online format is just what I need to get through it.
For the record, in 2 years, after I am finished with Grad school, be sure to slap me if I even THINK about going back to school! :O)
This is only the second week after starting back and already, I have zero desire to go. I didn't feel like this when I started the Associates or Bachelors programs, so why the heck am I like this now!? Maybe it's because the biggest reason I chose to go back really had nothing to do with the above list. It was student loans. The grace period had worn off. They were coming due and I couldn't fathom having to find the money to pay that on top of everything else. It's funny because some of my previous classmates were talking about continuing with school for that very reason and I rolled my eyes. I judged them. And now, I have gone and essentially done the same thing. I'm not proud of it. I know the additional school and the extra degree will be beneficial to me career-wise. But, if I already feel this way about school in the 2nd week, how the heck am I going to make it through 2 YEARS??
A few months back, when I started an online program with a different school, I recall being frustrated with their program, the adminitrators and the school itself -- but I was balancing schoolwork and doing well on my assignments. There was no way I could've stayed in that program - but it really had nothing to do with being back in school.
Perhaps, that is my issue. Being back in an actual classroom. Sitting in a class each week for 4 hours. Missing my husband. Having absolutely no time for anything on Mondays because I work all day and then go straight to school until 10pm. I never thought I was cut out for online classes, but maybe this time around, that is what I need. Spending 4 hours in a classroom (only 1/2 of that time being actually productive) feels like a waste of time. I remember feeling this before - but there were times when instructors would let us out early, etc. In a graduate program, I know the chance of that is slim to none. I just crave the comfort of doing assignments and having class 'discussions' in my pajamas at home.
The hinderance, at this point, of changing boils down to one class: Accounting. I dread this class... I took Accounting online to finish my Associates degree and then I took it in-class to earn my Bachelors. Accounting is hard either way -- but in-class was definitely better. At least there was an instructor who would go over examples, provide tips if we were having difficulty and there was an opportunity to take notes to help with homework. I looked at my schedule and Accounting is the 4th class I will take, starting on 3/7/14. That's exactly 5 months away. The question is - Can I get through the next 3 classes and then Accounting in hopes I can then change to online classes?
I don't know what to do. I know my husband will be there to support and help me through, whatever I end up doing. I just can't see myself spending every Monday night for the next 2 years sitting in a classroom. Maybe I should've thought of that before I signed up to go back to school --- or maybe, just maybe, switching to an online format is just what I need to get through it.
For the record, in 2 years, after I am finished with Grad school, be sure to slap me if I even THINK about going back to school! :O)
Friday, October 4, 2013
A lil peek at me!
1. When you looked at yourself in the mirror today, what was the first thing you thought? Geez, I look tired! Perhaps I should go back to bed instead of going to work! If only…
2. How much cash do you have in your wallet right now? $.83
3. What’s a word that rhymes with door? Floor
4. Who is the 4th person on your missed call list on your cell phone? A doctor’s office
5. What is your favorite ring tone on your phone? ‘My Boo’
6. What are you wearing right now? Black pants, pink shirt
7. What motivates you? My husband, personal goals, friends
8. What is your favorite type of wine? Normally I like white wines. Moscato or Riesling is preferred.
9. What's your favorite restaurant? Bravo for Italian, Longhorn for Steak, Chick-Fil-A for fast food
10. What are you passionate about? Love, enjoying life, building a future for my family, music
11. What were you doing at midnight last night? Sleeping
12. What are your hobbies? Singing, blogging, baking, taking pictures, traveling
13. What did your last text message you received on your cell say? ‘Love you too’
14. What's a phrase that you say a lot? Shut your face!
15. Who told you he/she loved you last (excluding spouse or children)? My friend, Beanblossom
16. Last thing you watched on TV? Blacklist, one of my new favorite shows
17. Favorite age you have been so far? 32 – I graduated college AND got married at that age
18. When was the last time you cried? Yesterday
19. The last song you listened to? ‘Blurred Lines’ on the way to work this morning
20. Where did you live in 1999? Crestwood, KY
21. Are you a jealous person? Not usually. I have my moments though. I call them ‘Keisha moments’ :P
22. What is your best quality? I’m loyal. I will do whatever I can to help someone I care about. Obviously this gets me in trouble sometimes when people take advantage… I’m surprised that hasn’t left me jaded
23. What is your husband’s best quality? He is thoughtful. He does things ‘just because’. And he pays such close attention to things --- he’ll buy something for me 3 months after I said I liked it… He continues to surprise me.
24. What US city would you like to visit that you haven’t already? San Diego, CA
25. When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper? I honestly can’t remember. I wrote a love letter to my husband not long ago – but I typed it, I didn’t actually HAND-WRITE it.
26. Name three things that you have on you at all times? ID, debit card, cell phone
27. Do you have any regrets? I think about going back and changing some things, but I wouldn’t be the person I am today if my path had been any different
26. Name three things that you have on you at all times? ID, debit card, cell phone
27. Do you have any regrets? I think about going back and changing some things, but I wouldn’t be the person I am today if my path had been any different
28. Does anything hurt on your body right now? Yes, my ovaries! :/ Feels like somebody is stabbing them
29. What is your current desktop picture? A picture of me and my husband dancing at our wedding
30. Where do you see yourself in 10 years? Let’s see. I will be 43 then. Geeeez! Ugh! Well, I will be OLD. Other than that, I hope to have a decent paying/satisfying career, a couple of children and beautiful life with my wonderful husband
Tuesday, October 1, 2013
A Tale of Three Marriages...
In recent months, I have become increasingly aware of how fragile marriage is and how easily it can fall by the wayside or disintegrate right before your eyes. In 2013, the marriage success rate and/or likelihood of divorce is 50%. So, half of all marriages ultimately end in divorce... That's staggering, but sadly, not surprising.
When Rodney and I got engaged, we'd been together for just over 3 years. We had already endured our share of storms and emerged stronger on the other side. During our engagement and even our premarital sessions, we talked about what marriage meant to us, what our individual responsiblities would be in the marriage, our views on finances, children, etc. We even talked about dealbreakers or things that could potentially sabotage our marriage. Don't get me wrong... we did not enter into marriage expecting it to fail, but rather we talked about those things in effort to make ourselves more aware of them and hopefully prevent them from happening.
I remember vividly the Monday before our wedding, I was an emotional wreck, sitting in my cubicle, tears streaming and a million thoughts and fears going through my mind. I kept asking myself, 'How do we make sure we don't end up as a statistic? How can we make sure our marriage lasts? How can we hold onto the feelings we have on our wedding day and make sure we never take one another for granted?" The answer is: You can't. There are no guarantees. That's what makes marriage so scary. I was never, for one second, unsure about Rodney. I knew I loved him, I knew he was the one for me and I knew I could not imagine my world without him.
Neither of us had a great example of healthy relationships or what an ideal marriage should look like - so we knew we'd have to figure it out along the way. Even though we had talked about just about all possibilities, we knew there would be things we could not prepare for. By the time our wedding day rolled around, we had been together for 5 years. It was amazing and one of the best days of our lives -- but our focus was more on the marriage than the actual wedding.
For some friends of mine, I am not sure this was the case. Two different friends of mine, both of which I used to work with, are going through separations/divorces. One of them, Bill, had dated Rhonda on and off for 8 years. Their relationship was very much up and down - but leading up to their wedding, it seemed as if they had figured things out and possibly had a chance of making a marriage last. Not so much. They married in Nov. 2012. By January, they were already discovering that they simply could NOT get along. Bill made an error in judgement and Rhonda refused to try to work through the issue. They went to counseling separately, but that was pretty much a waste of time. She flat out refused to speak to him, go to counseling together or attempt to salvage their marriage. By May, they were separated and by August, she had served him with divorce papers. Even though I knew they had a tumultuous relationship, I'd hoped for a better outcome. It makes me sad to think that their marriage never really had a chance.
Then there is Adam, who ironically happens to be Bill's brother. Just today, he posted a sad breakup song on FB and reading between the lines, I reached out to him to see if he was OK. He's not. He's broken-hearted. He is separating from his wife, who he just married in April 2012. So, in just a year and a half, they've concluded that their marriage is over. I don't know the root cause of it or why they ultimately are deciding to part ways. All he would say is that they are too incompatible and he can't trust her. Incompatible? Honestly, I saw that a mile away. We missed their wedding, but just looking at the photos, something seemed a bit 'off'. And then when I did meet the wife at Bill's wedding in Nov, she was highly snoody and had the personality of a wet noodle. Definitely not what I expected, but as long as he was happy, I was rooting for them. It's funny that they met around the same time as I met Rodney and married just shy of 2 months before us. I'm not sure how they did not figure out the mismatch in their compatibility or why they are not willing to work through the trust issue after so much time has been invested.
I'm just --- amazed. After a year and a half, I can say that I love Rodney even more now than I did the day I married him. Our marriage is definitely not perfect --- but it IS healthy. We talk through things. We respect one another. We encourage one another. We take care of one another. That's what a marriage is... Teamwork. A partnership. There are always bumps in the road, but both people have to be willing to work through those differences, compromise on the challenges and stand together through the battles of life. When all else fails, follow the 3 C's --- Communication, Compromise and Consistency.
I do not claim to be an expert. I am not a professional, by any means. But I do believe that people throw in the towel and give up on marriage way too easily. An old quote says, "Anything worth having is worth fighting for". If you believe in that, then you'll be willing to fight for things that are important to you. The day I said my wedding vows, I meant them. They were not just words for me. I would move mountains, go to the moon and back, lay down my life for my husband. Would you?
When Rodney and I got engaged, we'd been together for just over 3 years. We had already endured our share of storms and emerged stronger on the other side. During our engagement and even our premarital sessions, we talked about what marriage meant to us, what our individual responsiblities would be in the marriage, our views on finances, children, etc. We even talked about dealbreakers or things that could potentially sabotage our marriage. Don't get me wrong... we did not enter into marriage expecting it to fail, but rather we talked about those things in effort to make ourselves more aware of them and hopefully prevent them from happening.
I remember vividly the Monday before our wedding, I was an emotional wreck, sitting in my cubicle, tears streaming and a million thoughts and fears going through my mind. I kept asking myself, 'How do we make sure we don't end up as a statistic? How can we make sure our marriage lasts? How can we hold onto the feelings we have on our wedding day and make sure we never take one another for granted?" The answer is: You can't. There are no guarantees. That's what makes marriage so scary. I was never, for one second, unsure about Rodney. I knew I loved him, I knew he was the one for me and I knew I could not imagine my world without him.
Neither of us had a great example of healthy relationships or what an ideal marriage should look like - so we knew we'd have to figure it out along the way. Even though we had talked about just about all possibilities, we knew there would be things we could not prepare for. By the time our wedding day rolled around, we had been together for 5 years. It was amazing and one of the best days of our lives -- but our focus was more on the marriage than the actual wedding.
For some friends of mine, I am not sure this was the case. Two different friends of mine, both of which I used to work with, are going through separations/divorces. One of them, Bill, had dated Rhonda on and off for 8 years. Their relationship was very much up and down - but leading up to their wedding, it seemed as if they had figured things out and possibly had a chance of making a marriage last. Not so much. They married in Nov. 2012. By January, they were already discovering that they simply could NOT get along. Bill made an error in judgement and Rhonda refused to try to work through the issue. They went to counseling separately, but that was pretty much a waste of time. She flat out refused to speak to him, go to counseling together or attempt to salvage their marriage. By May, they were separated and by August, she had served him with divorce papers. Even though I knew they had a tumultuous relationship, I'd hoped for a better outcome. It makes me sad to think that their marriage never really had a chance.
Then there is Adam, who ironically happens to be Bill's brother. Just today, he posted a sad breakup song on FB and reading between the lines, I reached out to him to see if he was OK. He's not. He's broken-hearted. He is separating from his wife, who he just married in April 2012. So, in just a year and a half, they've concluded that their marriage is over. I don't know the root cause of it or why they ultimately are deciding to part ways. All he would say is that they are too incompatible and he can't trust her. Incompatible? Honestly, I saw that a mile away. We missed their wedding, but just looking at the photos, something seemed a bit 'off'. And then when I did meet the wife at Bill's wedding in Nov, she was highly snoody and had the personality of a wet noodle. Definitely not what I expected, but as long as he was happy, I was rooting for them. It's funny that they met around the same time as I met Rodney and married just shy of 2 months before us. I'm not sure how they did not figure out the mismatch in their compatibility or why they are not willing to work through the trust issue after so much time has been invested.
I'm just --- amazed. After a year and a half, I can say that I love Rodney even more now than I did the day I married him. Our marriage is definitely not perfect --- but it IS healthy. We talk through things. We respect one another. We encourage one another. We take care of one another. That's what a marriage is... Teamwork. A partnership. There are always bumps in the road, but both people have to be willing to work through those differences, compromise on the challenges and stand together through the battles of life. When all else fails, follow the 3 C's --- Communication, Compromise and Consistency.
I do not claim to be an expert. I am not a professional, by any means. But I do believe that people throw in the towel and give up on marriage way too easily. An old quote says, "Anything worth having is worth fighting for". If you believe in that, then you'll be willing to fight for things that are important to you. The day I said my wedding vows, I meant them. They were not just words for me. I would move mountains, go to the moon and back, lay down my life for my husband. Would you?
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