Truly. Fed. Up.

Ever had one of these?

What about one of these?

I may not have endured an actual slap to the face or sucker punch to my stomach, but I definitely took a beating today. I feel betrayed and misunderstood and well, I just don't know how I am going to continue to interact with this person on a daily basis. I feel stupid for allowing myself to get close enough to my boss that I actually believed we were friends. I thought she would look out for me. I thought she had my back. I actually thought she "got me". She came in, took her time to encourage and mentor me, and she won me over enough to trust her with my friendship. I expected there would be times when she'd need to be a boss and not my friend -- but never did I expect her to flip the switch or abandon our friendship altogether.

She called an impromptu meeting with me this afternoon under the pretense of discussing my career path/goals. What it turned into was a talk to me about things I am not doing correctly or ways I am not meeting her expectations, complete with goals on how I need to fix each item. Two pages worth of BS. It left space for my comments and my signature on the back to be revisited within the next 60 days. So--basically, this was a performance action plan. Crystal doesn't do "performance action plans". Those are for people who don't do their job. Those are for people who skate by doing the bare minimum and need to shape up or get shipped out. Those are for people who have no work ethic, no drive, no passion, no desire, no pride at all in what they do. Really!?!?!?!?!

Oh, how I wish this worked. How I wish I could erase what happened today and all of these negative things I am feeling. If that discussion was supposed to motivate me, it had the opposite effect. I wanted to walk out. Straight up. Right then. If she can't appreciate how much I have busted my ass, then I shouldn't be there. That certainly means I shouldn't go to work with pneumonia to help get through a restructuring, or take work home on the weekends to ensure payroll system implementation goes off without a hitch, or do anything but the bare friggin minimum to earn my paycheck on the 10th & 25th. Lord knows, this means I am totally getting screwed on my bonus next month too. 

It's official. I need a new job. With the quickness. This place is sucking all of the fun, energy and joy from my life. When I first starting working there, you'd hear laughter in the hallway and people chatted in my work area about life, work, whatever. Now there's nothing. Silence. Morale is dying and I refuse to go down with it. Pray for me and cross your fingers that a good opportunity comes my way soon. I'm not sure how much more I can take.

I'm nearing the end of my rope. Lord, give me strength...

ABCs of Me...

I've done an A-Z post before but figured I'd do a different spin on it so that any new faces around these parts can get to know me a little better. Here goes...

 A - Available or married?
 Married with JOY!! :)

 

 B- Book?
No, thank you!

C- Cake or Pie?
 Cake! Cupcakes are even better! :)

 

D- Drink of Choice?
Iced Tea, no lemon!

E- Essential Item?

My camera!



 F- Favorite Color?
  Yellow!

  G- Game to play or watch?
 Jeopardy.

H- Hometown?
 Louisville, KY

I- Indulgence?
 Sweets! Cookies, cupcakes, brownies, ooo la la!

 J- Job?
 Currently I am a "payroll administrator", but I'm thinking there's gotta be more for me than this...
 

 
K- Kids and names?
 Working on it! Names already chosen though. Lena MacKenzie, Victoria Leigh, Damon Vincent, Lukas Christian (that gives us 2 girl and 2 boy names to play with!)


           L- Life is incomplete without?
 Love!



M- Movie(s)?
 I love movies!!! Everything from Sound of Music, Grease, Liar Liar, The Wedding Planner & Bringing Down the House
 

 




N- Number of siblings?
Zero!

 

 O- Oranges or apples?
Apples. Less messy!

P- Phobias/Fears?
Bugs. Heights sometimes. Disappointing people I love. Not succeeding.

 

Q- Favorite Quote?
 “People will forget what you said, but they will never forget how you made them feel” Love Maya Angelou!

 



R- Reason to Smile?
 My husband. He is the love of my life.



S- Season?
 Spring. After the allergies stop and the weather decides to stay warm.

  T- Tattoos?
 I have 3.

 

 U- Unknown fact about me?
 I tried out for American Idol but didn't make it past the cattle call :(

 

 V- Vegetable you love? Potatoes! 

 

W- Worst habit?

Worrying :(
 

X- X-Rays you've had?
 Dental, CT Scan, Ultrasound

Y- Your favorite food?
 Good pizza!
 

Z- Zodiac?
Aquarius

 

Wordless Wednesday...

 

 

How did I get so lucky!?

If it seems that I brag on my husband alot, it's only because he is amazing. He is so... thoughtful and he knows just what to say/do to make others smile. Sometimes it's a card or a small gift, sometimes it's a surprise visit in the middle of the day or just seeing him smile that brings me joy. My heart is just... full... And I am SO thankful that God blessed me enough to spend my life with this wonderful man...

 

Yep, that's him. My best friend, my partner, my husband, my everything... I just never thought I could adore someone this much... He fills my heart with so much love and he makes my world a better place just because of who he is.

Just the other day, we learned of a friend's grandmother's passing. We were supposed to hang out with these particular friends over the weekend, but because of the passing, the event was rescheduled. Immediately, I began to think of how we could support these friends because we're not quite close enough to go to the funeral visitation, but... Then here comes my husband, "We should send them a floral arrangement or something, just to let them know we're thinking about them." I was speechless and surprised and touched all in the same moment. I think he shocked himself because a few years ago, I doubt he would've ever uttered those words. But every day, he grows and matures and becomes more the man God intended for him to be. In that moment, I just felt... proud to be his wife and even more love and adoration for him.


We sent something similar to this... Our friends were very appreciative...


Then, today he surprise me... again... I always think it is adorable when he visits me at work. But this happens to be Administrative Professionals Day. While that doesn't mean alot to most people, my husband decided it was high time to show some appreciation for me and a few of the other hardworking ladies in my office. Awww... I know!! So, he comes in with cards and goody bags for me, my boss and my other gal pal "Beandip"! One of my other sweet coworkers is going part time so her last full time day with me is tomorrow. I'm making cupcakes tonight and he mentioned to me that he already picked up a card from to give her as well. Just awesome. My husband is awesome. I don't know how in the world I got so lucky!

Now I must scheme and try to find some way in the world to show HIM how much he is loved... Ideas are welcome!

Friday letter...

dear husband: Life throws some rough curve balls huh?! Well, lucky for us, we've got each other and even though this big purchase may postpone some other hopes and dreams, look what you may be sporting! 

 dear friday: Thank you for finally showing your face! This has been the work week from HELL and I've had it up to here!
 

dear bipolar weather: Figure it out please. dear beach vacation: I'm still saving my pennies and dimes! Please send me an affordable option (or a nice friend with a condo to use for free) so I can visit soon! dear sweets: I can't get enough of you this week. I think I am burying my stress in the comfort of your cream filling!

 

 

 dear workday: So glad you're almost over! I think 2:00 is closing time today, folks!

Firsts...

I saw this floating around on a couple other blogs and figured I should play along! :)


FIRST thing I do in the morning... hit snooze at least once. Then go to the bathroom and brush my teeth

 

FIRST thing I do when I get home from work... take clothes off, put sweats on!

My FIRST car... was a hunk of junk. My mom’s loser 3rd husband passed it down to me only for it to blow up a few months later. Fan-tastic! :/

My FIRST kiss... I think it may have been the 2nd grade boy in the neighborhood who my mom referred to as my boyfriend. I was in Kindergarden, so I hardly think that should count.

The FIRST thing I wanted to be when I grew up... a singer. It’s all I ever did. Call it an escape!
 

 

FIRST choice restaurant... totally depends on what I’m in the mood to eat. If it’s fast food, it’s Chick-Fil-A. If it’s Italian, Olive Garden usually wins because of $ (and their freakin’ awesome SOUP!) If it’s a steak I am after, Longhorn is the go-to. Man, I am hungry now!

 My FIRST home... The first place that ever felt like a “real” home is when I lived with my dad. I moved in with him for a year when I was 10-11.
 FIRST job... was a grocery store cashier. I actually liked it. And I was good at it.
My FIRST accident traffic violation... was a ticket for running a yellow light! The red truck beside me did the same darn thing, but I got pulled over. Grrr!

 

FIRST "big girl" job... I guess my Payroll job at Yum was my first “big girl” job. It was definitely my first taste of corporate America. It was definitely a good learning experience.

FIRST major purchase... My Honda Civic. Which I sadly don’t have anymore. Why did I trade it for a Sebring!?
FIRST drink of choice... Sweet tea! Or if we’re going alcoholic, Liquid Cocaines! :D

 

FIRST song that comes to mind... that darn “Thrift Shop” song. Geez, that song is catchy! “I’m gonna pop some tags, only got $20 in my pocket…” LOL!

FIRST time I flew... I flew over an ocean! Am I NUTS!? I was on my way to Honduras to do mission work in 2000.

FIRST dessert of choice... typically involves chocolate, but not always. Key Lime Pie or that Lemon Cream cake from Olive Garden produces quite a bit of drool as well.

My FIRST husband... Errr, just kidding Pookie! You're my one and only! :) I love you!

 

 

Wordless Wednesday