Me - From A-Z

A – Age: 37
B – Biggest Fear: Not being good enough
C – Current Time: 3:43pm
D – Drink You Had Last: Water
E – Easiest Person To Talk To: My husband most days… But if I need a girlfriend sounding board, I have plenty of awesome ladies who are easy to talk to as well
F – Favorite Song: That darn song from Fifty Shades Darker… “I don’t wanna live forever… Cuz I don’t wanna be living in pain… I don’t wanna feel forever… I just wanna keep calling your name… Til you come back home…” I just conveniently BLOCK out that Taylor Swift is singing…
G – Greatest Memory: My wedding day
H – Hometown: Louisville, KY
I – In Love With: My hubby
J – Jealous Of: People who have adoring, supportive parents. People who get to do what they love/are passionate about and get paid for it.
K – Kindest Person You Know: Janet. I don’t think I’ve ever heard her say a mean-spirited thing about anyone…
L – Longest Relationship: This year marks 10 years
M – Middle Name: Is dead and gone. Just like the old me. (Get that T.I. & Justin Timberlake reference?)
N – Number of Siblings: 0
O – One Wish: Just one? For my husband to find a job to make him feel whole, accomplished and successful.
P – Person You Spoke To On The Phone Last: Dr. office
Q – Question You’re Always Asked: Do you have any kids?
R – Reason To Smile: It’s warm, the windows are open and I am at home (and not at the office today)
S – Song You Last Sang: Waterfalls
T – Time You Woke Up: Around 4am. I couldn’t sleep for anything last night…
U – Underwear Color: Black
V – Vacation Destination: A beach. Palm trees. Alcoholic beverage. Enough said.
W – Worst Habit: Not putting my clean laundry away. It was always bad – but it’s definitely worse than ever
X – X-Rays You’ve Had: Too many to name
Y – Your Favorite Food: Pizza? Yeah, let’s go with that.
Z – Zodiac Sign: Aquarius

37 is looming...

Tomorrow is my birthday and, as the years fly by, I become less excited about turning another year older every year. I mean, ten years ago, I would've said 37 was OLD. Now, I am knocking on its door and, well, I am just not ready to get old.

Body aches are becoming more frequent. I started having to dye my hair more regularly to keep the grey hairs at bay. Dark circles around the eyes, constant exhaustion and too much adulthood have turned this girl into an old lady, it seems. Wrinkles... well, I know they are coming... and I dread it. My husband is sweet and tells me all the time that I haven't aged in the 10 years we've been together, but I see it. I feel it. I hate it.

I don't know where I thought I'd be at 37. I'm blessed to have a wonderful husband. I am blessed to have a job that provides for us. But I thought I'd have a different job, I think. I certainly thought I'd be a mother by now. Sometimes God has other plans than the ones we make for ourselves. I just wish He would let me in on His plan. I am sure I am not alone in that wish...

I guess I will have some wine, try to enjoy the rest of 36 and pray that 37 isn't as bad as I think it will be. Hey, maybe 37 is the new 27? Think I can get away with that?

Feeling Unsure...

So, I have not been the most consistent blogger in the last year. Although I was hoping to change that for 2017, so far, I am not creating a good track record.

As the new year rang in, I felt compelled to start applying for jobs in Nashville again. I am not sure why. Maybe I felt it was time for a change. Maybe I felt the need to take a leap of faith for the sake of my career again. Maybe I felt like my husband needed a fresh new place to secure a job. Perhaps it was all of these things. So far, it's been all rejections --- but I am hopeful. Well, if that is God's plan for us. I'm not even sure I know what that is anymore.

Can you tell I am just feeling unsure? Not to be "punny", but it's like we are at a crossroads. One wrong move could mean setbacks or just staying the same as they have been. One blessed move could mean new beginnings, open doors and promising futures. It's a lot of pressure, worry, stress, anxiety and just uncertainty. I need guidance and I am in search of something. Let's hope I find it soon before I lose my marbles...

Another 'lately' post - because I am unmotivated to REALLY blog!

Feeling: Ready for Thanksgiving, some good eats, time with friends and a break from working so much

Loving: My husband - who keeps me going and gives me reason to tackle each day, even when I am exhausted

Craving: TURKEY!! One of many reasons I love Thanksgiving!

Needing: Sleep! I've been so restless the last week or so. I need to shut off my brain, relax and just sleep!

Thankful for: My husband. My close friends. My mother-in-law. My Janet. Obviously, I am thankful for people ahead of everything else ;)

Reading: Well, I SHOULD be reading my materials for the CPP exam, but I've been too mentally exhausted and unmotivated to really start.

Wanting: A glass of wine, a hot bath and my pajamas

Missing: I try not to think about or dwell on what I may be missing

Wearing: Sweats and fuzzy socks!

Thinking about: Cleaning the house and all of the people we'll see and spend time with over the Thanksgiving holidays

I can't believe it's November... or Thanksgiving... or almost Christmas! Where has this year gone!?

Lately...

The last few weeks have been stressful. Getting the totaled car situated and finding another in a short period of time was very overwhelming. Then, work has been slammed lately and I find myself frazzled more days than not at the office. In comparison to the place I was working previously, I welcome the opportunity to be busy and productive. However, sometimes, I do not know when enough is enough - and I tend to bite off more than I can chew at times, just for the sake of standing out and/or impressing the higher ups. A blessing and a curse, I suppose. But, it's led to some mental exhaustion and I think my body is feeling it too.

This is the second time in a month where I have been experiencing leg pain/cramps/strain/awfulness. A couple weeks ago, it was painful - but bearable. I could walk on it... it just was uncomfortable. Then this past Thursday, I was coming up our stairs and, when I reached the top, I stepped "wrong" and immediately felt pain in my hamstring. On Friday, I went to work - and now that I work downtown and have quite a trek from the parking lot all the way around the building to get to the elevator and up to my floor - it was not fun. By midday, I had to end up leaving work and barely made it to my car. In fact, my leg "cracked" really loudly as I was getting into my car and I thought, "Oh #@@%#.... now I'm really going to be jacked up!" Surprisingly, I think the crack may have helped the hamstring issue - only to be followed up with a severe tight calf muscle that will not subside. It's like having a constant worst-charlie-horse-of-your-life-kinda-feeling.... I am NOT digging it. It's now Sunday and I have been a total grump bucket to my husband who is only trying to help me. I should be napping - but instead - I am sitting here, dreading the week ahead and wondering how I am even going to walk functionally enough to make it into the office tomorrow.

I know I am out of shape. I have known that for a while. But, I need to find a way to get these muscle strains/cramps/pains out of my life. I just started seeing a new doctor and, after talking to her about all the trauma I've experienced in relation to my legs (3 falls in a six month period last year), I think she is, at least, willing to try some treatments to make it better and maybe then, I can finally find the energy/strength to get back in the gym and build some muscle strength again. For now, I just want to shake this limp and be able to walk like a woman again...

Girlfriends...

Friendship is a beautiful thing. Despite how much I enjoy spending time with my husband, sometimes, girl time is a must. I am hitting the road the last weekend of the month to hang out with these ladies in Nashville. I'm excited to have some girl time (even though on the night of this picture, we had just as much fun with my husband there too!) :)

Now that my beautiful friend to the right has moved away, we don't get to hang out or have impromptu dinner or drinks nearly as often as we used to. But - what happens in Nashville (and Vegas next Spring) stays in Nashville (or Vegas!).

Good girlfriends are hard to come by. I plan on keeping these ones - even if I have to drive down I-65 to hunt them down! :)

A "total" mess...

My poor car... My poor "Penny"... She and I were rear-ended on my way to work last Monday. By an uninsured motorist nonetheless. While it may not look like much, the frame was totally jacked and the insurance company totaled the car due to the extensive damages. It has been a long, stressful, tiring week dealing with police, hospitals, insurance companies and trying to stay composed throughout the ordeal.  Thankfully, I was not seriously hurt... only had some muscle strain in the neck and back mostly. It could have worse... it could have been much worse... I try my best to remember that when I start to get overwhelmed by all the hoops I have to jump through to resolve this mess.

I will miss my "Penny". We only got 2 short years of time to ride together. Perhaps someone is trying to tell me something! The other Civic I had years ago was also rear-ended pretty badly (although this one was definitely worse). As a result, I will be taking a turn down Toyota Avenue and see if I can have better luck staying away from careless, uninsured drivers.